41 chapters
5 hour read
Selected Chapters
41 chapters
TO JONATHAN.
TO JONATHAN.
You have often asked me to write my impressions of America and the Americans, and your newspapers have been good enough to suggest Jonathan and his Continent as a title for the book. The title is good, and I accept it. As for the book, since you wish it, here it is. But I must warn you that if ever you should fancy you see in this little volume a deep study of your great country and of your amiable compatriots, your worldwide reputation for humour would be exploded. However, as my collaborator,
33 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER I.
CHAPTER I.
Population of America.—An Anecdote about the Sun.—Where is the Centre of America?—Jonathan cannot get over it, nor can I.—America, the Land of Conjuring.—A Letter from Jonathan decides me to set out for the United States. he population of America is about sixty millions—mostly colonels. Yes, sixty millions—all alive and kicking! If the earth is small, America is large, and the Americans are immense! An Englishman was one day boasting to a Frenchman of the immensity of the British Empire. "Yes, s
3 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER II.
CHAPTER II.
Jonathan and his Critics.—An eminent American gives me Salutary Advice.—Travelling Impressions.—Why Jonathan does not love John Bull. few days before leaving America, I had a pleasant talk with Mr. Whitelaw Reid, the chief editor of the New York Tribune . "Do not fall into the great error of fancying that you have seen America in six months," he said to me. "But I do not fancy anything of the kind," I replied; "I have no such pretension. When a man of average intelligence returns home after havi
4 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER III.
CHAPTER III.
Characteristic Traits.—A Gentleman and a Cad.—Different Ways of Discussing the Merits of a Sermon.—Contradictions and Contrasts.—Sacred and Profane.—Players of Poker on Board Ship.—A Meek and Humble Follower of Jesus.—The Open Sesame of New York, Boston, and Philadelphia.—The Childish Side of American Character.—The Three Questions Jonathan puts to every Foreigner who lands in America.—Preconceived Notions.—Request of an American Journalist.—Why the English and the French do not put Questions on
6 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER IV.
CHAPTER IV.
Types.—Manly Beauty.—The Indian Type.—Second Beauty in the Women of the New World.—Something Wanting in the Beauty of Most American Women. he American men are generally thin. Their faces glow with intelligence and energy, and in this mainly consists their handsomeness. I do not think it can be possible to see anywhere a finer assemblage of men than that which meets at the Century Club of New York every first Saturday of the month. It is not male beauty such as the Greeks portrayed it, but a manl
2 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER V.
CHAPTER V.
All that Glitters is not Gold, especially in America.—The Dollar is the Unity of the Metrical System.—Jonathan is Matter-of-fact.—How he judges Man.—The Kind of Baits that Take.—Talent without Money is a Useless Tool.—Boston and Kansas. onathan admires all that glitters, even that which is not gold. In his eyes, the success of a thing answers for its quality, and the charlatanism that succeeds is superior to the merit that vegetates. The dollar is not only the unity of the monetary system; it is
3 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER VI.
CHAPTER VI.
Diamonds.—How Diamonds are Won and Lost in Tripping.—The Sweat of Jonathan's brow crystallized in his Wife's Ears.—Avarice is a vice little known in America.—Jonathan is not the Slave of the Almighty Dollar to the Extent that he is believed to be. an has been perpetuated to expiate the transgression of his first parent by hard labour. Jonathan is a proof of it. He labours, he toils, and the sweat of his brow crystallizes upon the neck and arms of his beloved womankind in the form of diamonds. To
4 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER VII.
CHAPTER VII.
Notes on the great American Cities.—New York.—Boston.—A Visit to Oliver Wendell Holmes.—Washington.—Mount Vernon.—Philadelphia.—Chicago.—Rivalry between these Cities.—Jokes they indulge in at each other's Expense. he large cities do not constitute the real America. To gain a correct idea of the country, one must go and see those hundreds, nay thousands, of flourishing little towns which spring up day by day on that immense continent. I went to America too late, and left it too early, to be able
18 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER VIII.
CHAPTER VIII.
American Houses.—Furniture.—Luxury.—The Clubs.—An Evening at the Authors' Club.—An Eyesore.—A Wonderful Shot.—Bang, right in the Bull's-eye! merican houses are furnished very luxuriously, and for the most part in exquisite taste. Here you see the influence of woman in the smallest details of life; indeed, at every step you take, you see that woman has passed that way. Decorations and furniture, in New York especially, are dark, substantial, and artistic. The liberal use of portières adds greatly
5 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER IX.
CHAPTER IX.
Society Jottings.—Blue Blood in the United States.—Fashionable Society.—Plutocracy.—Parvenus and Arrivés.—Literary and Artistic Society.—Provincialism.—All the Americans have two Family Names.—Colonels and Judges.—American Hospitality.—Terrapin and Raw Duck. word about American aristocracy, to begin with. What, American aristocracy? Yes, certainly. I assure you that there exist, in America, social sanctuaries into which it is more difficult to penetrate than into the most exclusive mansions of t
8 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER X.
CHAPTER X.
Millionaires.—A List of the Great American Fortunes.—The Stock Exchange.—A Billionaire's House.—Benevolent Acts.—A Democracy Ruled by many Kings. am afraid it will make my readers' lips water, but here is a list of some American fortunes, as I have heard them stated:— These are the princes of the Land of the Dollar. The largest English fortunes fall short of these figures. The Duke of Westminster's is reckoned at only £16,000,000; that of the Duke of Sutherland at £6,000,000; the Duke of Northum
4 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XI.
CHAPTER XI.
The American Girl.—Her Liberty.—Her Manners.—Respect for Woman.—Youthful Reminiscences.—Flirtation Perfected.—The "Boston."—Why the Young American Lady does not Object to the Society of Men.—European Coats of Arms Regilt and Redeemed from Pawn.—Americans of the Faubourg Saint Germain.—Lady Randolph Churchill.—Mating of May and December.—Stale Theme of American Plays.—An Angel.—The Tell-tale Collodion.—The Heroine of "L'Abbé Constantin."—What American Girls Admire in a Man. he liberty enjoyed by
16 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XII.
CHAPTER XII.
The Emancipation of Woman.—Extinction of Man.—War against Beards.—Ladies Purifying the Streets of New York.—The Ladies "Go it" Alone, and have a "Good Time." n a country where woman is a spoilt child, petted, and made so much of, who can do and dare almost anything, it is strange to find women who are not content with their lot, but demand the complete emancipation of their sex. American women asking for complete emancipation! It makes one smile. I was talking one evening with Mrs. Devereux Blak
6 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XIII.
CHAPTER XIII.
Prudery.—"Shocking" Expressions.—Transformation of the Vocabulary.—War on Nudities.—The Venus of Milo does not escape the Wrath of the Puritans.—Mr. Anthony Comstock in Chief Command.—New England Prudes.—Tattling or Calumny? he New England descendants of the Puritans have inherited a more than British prudery. Charles Dickens speaks, in his American Notes , of people who covered the nakedness of their piano legs with little ornamental frills. There still exist worthy creatures who would think it
2 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XIV.
CHAPTER XIV.
John Bull's Cousin German.—A Salutary Lesson.—Women's Vengeance.—A Battle with Rotten Eggs.—An Unsavoury Omelette.—Tarring and Feathering.—Description of the Operation.—An Awkward Quarter-of-an-hour.—Vengeance of a Ladies' School.—A Town Council of Women.—Woman's Standing in the States.—Story of a Widow and her Two Daughters. onathan is the cousin-german of John Bull, but yet not so German as one might imagine; for, if Germany supplies America with three or four hundred thousand immigrants yearl
8 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XV.
CHAPTER XV.
Dress.—My Light-Grey Trousers create a Sensation in a Pennsylvanian Town.—Women's Dress.—Style and Distinction.—Bonnets fit to Frighten a Choctaw.—Dress at the Theatre.—Ball Toilettes.—Draw a Veil over the Past, Ladies.—The Frogs and the Oxen.—Interest and Capital.—Dogs with Gold-filled Teeth.—Vulgarity. n America, gentlemen's dress is plain, even severe: a high hat, black coat, dark trousers. Fancy cloth is little used, even in travelling. I remember well the sensation I created with a pair of
6 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XVI.
CHAPTER XVI.
High Class Humour.—Mr. Chauncey Depew and General Horace Porter.—Corneille had no Humour.—A Woman "sans père et sans proche."—Mark Twain. umour is an unassuming form of wit, by turns gay, naive, grim, and pathetic, that you will never come across in a vain, affected man. What, for instance, could be more naive than the following remark I heard made by Mark Twain at a dinner in New York, one evening? It was given, of course, in his inimitable drawl: "I was in the war too—for a fortnight—but I fou
6 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XVII.
CHAPTER XVII.
Boisterous Humour and Horseplay Wit.—A Dinner at the Clover Club of Philadelphia.—Other "Gridiron" Clubs. umour only springs in simple, unaffected characters. You find it in the well-bred Scotch. It overflows in the American, who is the prince of good fellows. The Americans are so good at taking a joke, so good-tempered that, even in public, they enjoy to banter each other and serve as butts for each other's sarcasms: it is on these occasions that American humour is allowed free play. There are
5 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XVIII.
CHAPTER XVIII.
Western and Eastern Wit.—Two Anecdotes in the way of Illustration. think the two following anecdotes illustrate well the preposterousness of Western wit and the delicacy of the Eastern article. To some Americans, who may read me, these two stories may be "chestnuts." To such I apologise. A drunkard's relatives thought to frighten him into better ways. During a fit of intoxication he was laid in a coffin, and a friend remained near at hand, waiting until the drunken stupor should pass off. By-and
1 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XIX.
CHAPTER XIX.
Journalism.—Prodigious Enterprises.—Startling Headlines.—"Jerked to Jesus."—"Mrs. Carter finds Fault with her Husband's Kisses."—Jacob's Ladder.—Sensational News.—How a Journalist became known.—Gossip.—The Murderer and the Reporters.—Detective Journalists.—"The Devil Dodged."—Ten Minutes' Stoppage in Purgatory.—French, English, and American Journalists.—A Visit to the Great Newspaper Offices.—Sunday Papers.—Country Papers.—Wonderful Eye-ticklers.—Polemics.—"Pulitzer and Dana."—Comic and Society
23 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XX.
CHAPTER XX.
Reporting.—For the American Reporter Nothing is Sacred.—Demolition of the Wall of Private Life.—Does your Husband Snore?—St. Anthony and the Reporters.—I am Interviewed.—My Manager drops Asleep over it.—The Interview in Print.—The President of the United States and the Reporters.—"I am the Interviewer." ournalism has killed literature, and reporting is killing journalism. It is the last gasp of the dying of literature of an epoch; it is the man letters replaced by the concierge ." So exclaims M.
10 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XXI.
CHAPTER XXI.
Literature in the United States.—Poets.—Novelists.—Essayists.—Critics.—Historians.—Humorists.—Journalists.—Writers for the Young.—Future of American Literature. merica has not yet produced a transcendent literary genius; but she has the right to be proud of a national literature which includes poets, historians, novelists, essayists, and critics of a superior order. The English admit that the best history of their literature has been written by a Frenchman, M. Taine. The Athenæum acknowledged, a
3 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XXII.
CHAPTER XXII.
The Stage in the United States.—The "Stars."—French Plays. Mr. Augustin Daly's Company.—The American Public.—The Theatres.—Detailed Programmes.—A Regrettable Omission. he American stage boasts some excellent actors; but it owes its prestige rather to the talent of a few brilliant individualities than to distinction of ensemble . The plays are written for certain actors, and the secondary parts are made to serve the purpose of throwing up the "star." This is why the French plays that are transpla
8 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XXIII.
CHAPTER XXIII.
The Religion of the Americans.—Religious Sects.—Why Jonathan Goes to Church.—Walk in, Ladies and Gentlemen, "this is the Place to be Saved and Happy."—Irresistible Invitations.—The Esoterists.—Why Die when Immortality is Attainable?—The Recipe.—Faith Cure.—A Highly-recommended Book.—Seventh Day Hypocrisy.—To Choose Goods is not to Buy Them.—"Great Scott!"—Religion and Republicanism Live Happily together in America. he Americans are Christians; that is to say, they attend church on Sundays. Like
7 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XXIV.
CHAPTER XXIV.
Colonel Ingersol's Ideas.—The Man.—His Life.—His Works.—A Minister declines to take his Place either in this World or the Next. one day asked one of the cleverest ladies of New York whether she knew Colonel Ingersoll. "No," she answered, "I do not know him, and I do not wish to make his acquaintance." "May I ask why?" I said. She replied: "Simply because I am told it is impossible to know him without admiring and loving him." "Well?" "Well, I don't want to admire or love him." I had the honour o
10 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XXV.
CHAPTER XXV.
Justice.—Comparison Favourable to America.—Judicial Procedure.—The Accused was Paid Cash.—A Criminal Hunt.—The Juries and their Powers.—Slow Dealings of American Justice.—False Philanthropy.—Twelve or Sixteen Minutes at the Wrong End of a Rope.—A Savage Club Anecdote. have no intention of entertaining the reader on the subject of the judicial organisation in the United States. I refer him for that to the Tocquevilles of every country, to our own Tocqueville especially. I do not concern myself, i
7 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XXVI.
CHAPTER XXVI.
Lynch Law.—Hanged, Burned, and Shot.—The Gaolers do not Answer for their Boarders.—The Humours of Lynching. ynch law is a summary justice which, in certain of the United States, is constantly being dealt out to criminals who, either from the insufficiency of the ordinary laws, or because of the absence of a judicial authority in the neighbourhood, might escape punishment. Not the least semblance of a trial, or even of examination, as a rule: the populace has taken it into its head that a certain
4 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XXVII.
CHAPTER XXVII.
A Word on Marriage and Divorce.—Scenes for an Opera-Bouffe.—An Amateur Dentist. s I have said elsewhere, each State of the Union makes its own laws. The result is, that a thing which is legal in one State is not necessarily legal in the others. The most curious, and those which differ most, are the laws upon marriage and divorce. If it is easy to get married in the United States, it is still more easy to get unmarried. In the State of New York, for instance, if you go to a hotel with a woman, an
3 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XXVIII.
CHAPTER XXVIII.
Mr. Grover Cleveland, President of the United States.—A Public Reception at the White House.—A Private Audience.—Why a Yankee Refrained from Accompanying Me.—What the President Costs the Nation.—Mrs. Cleveland.—Her Popularity.—Life at the White House. he President is the most accessible citizen of the great Republic of the New World. Three times a week, he descends to the ground floor drawing-room, and passes an hour shaking hands with all who wish to make his acquaintance. There cannot be a man
6 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XXIX.
CHAPTER XXIX.
Politics.—Parties.—The Gentleman and the Politician.—"Honest John" and "Jolly Roger."—The Irish in America.—Why the Americans are in Favour of Home Rule.—The Mayor of New York and the Green Flag.—The German Yankees.—The American Constitution and the President.—Executive and Legislative Powers.—England is a Freer Country than America.—The Elections.—An Anecdote of M. Jules Grévy. n America the pursuit of politics is a liberal profession—very liberal for those who take it up. In America, as in Eng
10 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XXX.
CHAPTER XXX.
The Ordinary American.—His Voice, his Habits, his Conversation.—He Murders his Language and your Ears.—Do not judge him too quickly. othing is ordinary in America. The ordinary American himself is extraordinarily ordinary. He takes liberties with his fellow-creatures, and with the English grammar. He murders your ears, and the mother-tongue of Shakespeare. He chews, hawks, and spits; but he has a certain good-humoured brag and liveliness about him which invite further acquaintance. His fingers,
2 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XXXI.
CHAPTER XXXI.
American Activity.—Expression of the Faces.—Press the Button, S.V.P.—Marketing in the House.—Magic Tables.—The Digestive Apparatus in Danger.—Gentlemen of Leisure.—Labour Laws.—A Six Days' Journey to go to a Banquet.—My Manager cuts out Work for me.—A Journalist on a Journey.—"Don't wait dinner, am off to Europe." hat which strikes the European most in his first walk through New York streets is the absence of stupid faces. All are not handsome, but all are intelligent-looking and full of life. T
14 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XXXII.
CHAPTER XXXII.
The "XIXth Century Club."—Intellectual Activity.—Literary Evenings.—Light Everywhere. o show the point to which intellectual activity goes in America, I cannot do better than speak of the "XIXth Century Club." Two or three years ago, Mr. Courtlandt Palmer, [14] one of the principal inhabitants of New York—a gentleman as rich in intellectual attainments as in dollars—conceived the happy idea of inviting his friends to meet twice a month in his drawing-room, for the purpose of discussing the impor
4 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XXXIII.
CHAPTER XXXIII.
Climate Incites Jonathan to Activity.—Healthy Cold.—Why Drunkenness is Rare in America.—Do not Lose Sight of your Nose.—Advice to the Foreigner intending to Visit Jonathan in the Winter.—Visit to the Falls of Niagara.—Turkish Baths offered Gratis by Nature. t is to the bright, bracing climate of North America that the activity, and consequent prosperity, of Jonathan is mainly to be attributed. The dry, invigorating air induces activity, and you can do things in America which it would never enter
4 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XXXIV.
CHAPTER XXXIV.
Jonathan's Eccentricities.—The Arc de Triomphe not being Hirable, an American proposes to Buy it.—The Town Council of Paris do not Close with Him.—Cathedrals on Hire.—Companies Insuring against Matrimonial Infidelity.—Harmony Association.—Burial of a Leg.—Last Will and Testament of an American who Means to be Absent on the Day of Judgment. onathan measures everything by his own gigantic ell. His notions are like the continent he inhabits: vast, almost boundless. He has done such wonders, that he
4 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XXXV.
CHAPTER XXXV.
Advertisements.—Marvellous Puffs.—Illustrated Ditto.—A Yankee on the Look-out for a Living.—"Her Heart and a Cottage."—A Circus Proprietor and the President of the United States.—Irresistible Offers of Marriage.—A Journalist of all Work.—Wanted, a Frenchwoman, Young, Pretty, and Cheerful.—Nerve-calming Syrup.—Doctors on the Road.—An Advocate Recommends Himself to Light-fingered Gentlemen.—Mr. Phineas Barnum, the King of Showmen.—Nothing is Sacred in the Eyes of Phineas, the Modern Phœnix.—My Man
9 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XXXVI.
CHAPTER XXXVI.
Railways.—Vestibule Trains.—Hotels on Wheels.—Windows and Ventilators, and their Uses.—Pitiless Firemen.—Conductors and their Functions.—A Traveller's Perplexity.—Rudeness of Railway Servants.—The Actress and the Conductor.—An Inquisitive Traveller.—A Negro in a Flourishing Way.—Commerce on board the Cars.—"Apples, Oranges, Bananas!"—The Negro Compartment.—Change of Toilette.—"Mind your own business." he Americans have suppressed distances by bringing railway trains to perfection. You take the c
10 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XXXVII.
CHAPTER XXXVII.
Jonathan's Domestics.—Reduced Duchesses.—Queer Ideas of Equality.—Unchivalrous Man.—The Ladies of the Feather-broom.—Mr. Vanderbilt's Cook.—Negroes.—Pompey's Wedding.—Where is my coat?—Kitchen Pianists.—"Punch's" Caricatures Outdone by Reality.—A Lady seeks a Situation as Dishwasher.—Why it is Desirable not to Part with your Servants on Bad Terms. onathan's domestics all appear to me to be reduced duchesses and noblemen in livery. When you speak to a man-servant, before replying he scans you fro
4 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XXXVIII.
CHAPTER XXXVIII.
Jonathan's Table.—Danger of Steel Knives.—The Americans are Water-drinkers.—I discover a Snake in my Tumbler.—The Negro Waiter Comforts Me.—Accommodation for Travellers.—The Menu.—Abbreviated Dinner.—The Little Oval Dishes.—Turkey and Cranberry Sauce.—A not very Tempting Dish.—Consolation of Knowing that the Waitresses are well cared for.—Something to Eat, for Heaven's Sake!—Humble Apologies to Mine Host. he great mass of the American people live on tough meat uncooked, and iced water unfiltered
7 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XXXIX.
CHAPTER XXXIX.
How the Americans take their Holidays.—The Hotel is their Mecca.—Mammoth Hotels.—Jacksonville and St. Augustine.—The Ponce de Leon Hotel.—Rocking-chairs.—Having a "Good Time!"—The American is never Bored.—The Food is not very Salt, but the Bill is very Stiff.—The Negroes of the South.—Prodigious Memories.—More "Duchesses."—The Negresses.—I Insult a Woman. otels are one of the strongest attractions in America to the Americans, especially the ladies. When we Europeans travel, we alight at a hotel
10 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter
CHAPTER XL.
CHAPTER XL.
The Value of the Dollar.—A Dressmaker's Bill.—What American Women must Spend on Dress.—Why so many Americans come to Europe every year.—Current Prices.—The Beggar and the Nickel.—Books and Oysters are Cheap.—Salaries.—"I can afford it." f you go to a changer, he will give you five francs in French money, or four shillings in English, for a dollar. But in America you are not long in discovering that you get for your dollar but the worth of a shilling in English money, or a franc in French. The fl
8 minute read
Read Chapter
Read Chapter