WHAT THIS STORY IS ABOUT Gran'pa is ninety-five, possessed of £100,000, a fertile imagination, and a good physique. He sees in the papers accounts of the theory of rejuvenation by means of gland-grafting. Nothing will satisfy him but that the experiment should be made upon himself. He acquires a gorilla, a hefty murderous brute, and the operation is performed with success. That is only the beginning. He next determines to dig out an old love, and make her young, too; and Sally, a dear old lady o

BY BERTRAM GAYTON PHILADELPHIA & LONDON J. B. LIPPINCOTT COMPANY 1922 COPYRIGHT, 1922, BY J. B. LIPPINCOTT COMPANY PRINTED BY THE J. B. LIPPINCOTT COMPANY AT THE WASHINGTON SQUARE PRESS PHILADELPHIA, U. S. A. TO MARGUERITA I have never been able to understand why my great grandfather—an American, born and bred—left the States at the decrepit age of ninety-four and came to live with me in England. His own explanation was that the decision arose from a natural desire to end his days with h

Picture it! There was Gran'pa, aged ninety-five—a nodder by the fire, a mumbler of tedious trifles, a scoffer at the present, but a relic of the past; there was myself, aged thirty-two—a widower, a respectable salaried official, moderately lazy and living principally and peacefully for the day (because there was not much to look forward to in the morrow); there was Molly, my twelve-year-old offspring—a long-legged schoolgirl, who ought to have been born a boy (like most girls of this generation)

"Oh, Daddy, darling!" cried Molly, "isn't he sweet?" " Sweet! " I thought, wildly. "This is a nice home-coming for a man after a hard day's work in town." Stooping down, I tried to dislodge the little brute's grip on my trouser-leg, but the effort ended in failure. It had evidently found what it thought was a refuge from further pursuit—and there it meant to stay! "Come and get him off!" I shouted at Gran'pa. The old man crawled quickly towards me, took hold of the monkey's tail and pulled! It w

So I advertised for a monkey as well. "Gorilla, chimpanzee or ourang-outang wanted at once," I scribbled on a scrap of notepaper. Then I judiciously added:— "For travelling showman. Must be healthy and virile. State price and how long the animal has been resident in England." A couple of days later half-a-dozen replies were received and Gran'pa and I spent the evening in sorting out the most suitable doctor and ape, preparatory to bringing them together in this novel "triangle" of surgeon, man a

The doctor gazed at him for a while in evident admiration. "I must congratulate you, sir," he said. "I wouldn't have believed such a physique possible at your age." Gran'pa lost his head a little. He commenced strutting around the room, erect, and as proud as Punch! His long white beard and grayish hair looked peculiarly unreal, and his hands and face showed the wrinkled signs of age, but the rest of his figure startled one by its quaint boyishness. Certainly, there was no elasticity in his step

Ever since Molly was eight years old, I had celebrated her birthday by taking her to see that hardy old stage annual "Peter Pan." This year, I thought that it would be a gracious act to include Gran'pa in the ceremony, more particularly as he had just paid me that initial five thousand dollars, due under Clause 3 ( a ) of our written agreement. So the three of us journeyed up to town early, had dinner, and then went to the theatre to see Barrie's wonderful version of Eternal Youth. As Gran'pa ha

"But . . . you can't stay here. . . ." I began, again. "Who's going to stop me?" "You're wet through. Do remember your age, and be reasonable. This is absurd! . . . I don't understand. . . ." "Oh! Go to blazes! I've had enough of your insults and bickerings. I shall stay here until the morning. Then I shall leave this benighted house and country and return to the States! Do you understand that ?" He returned to his shelter, thrust his weapon of attack back into the fire again, and took up an ale

It was spring, and the windows were open, and the air was like wine. Gran'pa seemed to be half intoxicated. "By the Lord Harry!" he exclaimed. "It's the greatest thing I've done. We left Brooklands at two sharp and were back at a quarter to five—with two loops and a nose-dive en route . I've fixed up another jaunt on Sunday—with you and Molly. And next week I'm popping over to Rome and back. If the journey's satisfactory, I intend buying the machine." "Doing what?" I gasped. His eyes twinkled as

I racked my brains for an explanation, but found none. "The only thing I can think of," I said at last, "is that you intend hypnotically suggesting to the aged that they should hand themselves over body and soul to the pioneers of this new Rejuvenation Cult." "By Jove!" he laughed. "That's not bad, Stringer! Eh?" "Old Bill" bristled—and then grinned expansively. This expression of gentle mirth looked very quaint—the most anti-Old Billish thing one could imagine. It was uncanny. "Why not enlighte

We wended our way through the litter and commotion and smell, until we found some responsible-looking person who conducted us to the proprietor's caravan, a travelling palace of yellow and black, with its brasswork shining in the morning sun like burnished gold. There we met the strange man who amassed wealth by the simple method of exhibiting wild animals in cages, freaks on platforms, ladies and gentlemen on galloping horses. He shook hands with us, looked curiously at Stringer for a few momen

In these degenerate days of artificial denture and gold fillings it was an accomplishment of which she might well be proud. Even immature Molly possessed a crowned tooth—as the result of an encounter with a golf ball—and as for Gran'pa himself. . . . Well, he hadn't (and couldn't have) suffered from toothache for over thirty years. "That's the result of care, George," said Gran'pa, drifting into one of his lecturing moods. "Attend to your health when young and you get your reward with compound i

Fortunately, Gran'pa was near and was able to deal with the matter before a panic ensued. "What's happened now?" he asked, with a murderous look in his eyes. "I've changed my mind! I want to go back!" "Don't be absurd!" William Garton drew himself up to the full extent of his five-feet-four (or thereabouts). "Will you kindly put me ashore, sir?" "Certainly not!" exclaimed Gran'pa. "You've signed on for this voyage—and you're coming." "This . . . this . . ." he stormed, . . . "is abduction—forcib

One would have said that, fired with the great enthusiasm we all had for the cause, such tasks as those outlined above should have taken us only a few weeks to accomplish. They should. We had no trade union restrictions, no lack of labor, no shortage of material, and no fear of overproduction. Free from all these handicaps so carefully cultivated by the Spirit of Modern Democracy, we ought to have made rapid progress. But the natives were lazy, and argumentative, and curious, and superstitious;

The enraged prisoners of war roared at us more defiantly than ever, now that their suspicions were con firmed. Their attempts at escape became prodigious and their language frightful. "We got these two birds with one stone, so to speak," I shouted. "Did you, by jove?" he cried. He looked at them more closely and a shadow of pain seemed to flit over his features. "You've knocked them about a lot, George. Was it necessary?" " We didn't do it. They did it themselves. Fighting!" I explained things t

Presently, through a sheltering screen of branches and leaves, they had their first vision of what might be called the domestic side of gorilladom. A young gorilla was seated on the ground, enjoying a meal of berries; whilst a yard or so further away sat its mother, who was also having lunch. Stringer says that it was a pretty and interesting sight. I believe him. With a quiet courage, born possibly of intense curiosity, Stringer, Croft and the two natives lay down on the earth, hardly daring to

I pointed out to him that, although no actual census had been taken of the anthropoid apes, a learned professor had once estimated their numbers as 200,000 chimpanzees, 200,000 gibbons, 50,000 orangs and 30,000 gorillas—the whole population being confined to the jungle lands of the equatorial zone, which was less than a fifteenth part of the earth's surface. "You must admit," I added, "that twenty-two gorillas out of thirty thousand is rather a poor show." "Thirty thousand!" he exclaimed, "I sho

Our foe dwelt not in one country, but in all the lands of the earth. It arose with the first dim speck of life, striving slowly and ruthlessly against Youth and the beauty of Youth. It stole the roses from the maiden's cheek, the lustre from her eye, the fleetness from her limbs, the gold from her hair, the grace from her movements, and the swiftness of thought from her brain. It blunted the keen edge of appetite, robbed the flesh of its earthly pleasures, weakened the powers of resistance again

This phase of exaggerated second childhood lasted for several weeks, until, under the counteracting influence of bromide draughts, it gradually subsided into a more restrained joy in life. Meanwhile, Sally Rebecca, too, was recovering her youth. Not having been subjected to a preliminary treatment of intensive culture, she naturally made slower progress than the men. Gradually, her features became less harsh in outline, her eyes brightened, new layers of fat were formed, her movements grew more