by JEROME K. JEROME author of “ the idle thoughts of an idle fellow ,” “ stageland ” “ three men in a boat ,” etc. Illustrations by g. g. fraser BRISTOL J. W. Arrowsmith Ltd. , Quay Street LONDON Simpkin , Marshall , Hamilton , Kent & Co. Limited First Edition , April , 1891. Reprinted , June , 1891. Reprinted , December , 1891. Reprinted , February , 1892. Reprinted , February , 1895. Reprinted , September , 1896. Reprinted , December , 1897. Reprinted , January , 1899. Reprinted , Sept

Said a friend of mine to me some months ago: “Well now, why don’t you write a sensible book?  I should like to see you make people think.” “Do you believe it can be done, then?” I asked. “Well, try,” he replied. Accordingly, I have tried.  This is a sensible book.  I want you to understand that.  This is a book to improve your mind.  In this book I tell you all about Germany—at all events, all I know about Germany—and the Ober-Ammergau Passion Play.  I also tell you about other things.  I do not

My Friend B.—Invitation to the Theatre.—A Most Unpleasant Regulation.—Yearnings of the Embryo Traveller.—How to Make the Most of One’s Own Country.—Friday, a Lucky Day.—The Pilgrimage Decided On. My friend B. called on me this morning and asked me if I would go to a theatre with him on Monday next. “Oh, yes! certainly, old man,” I replied.  “Have you got an order, then?” He said: “No; they don’t give orders.  We shall have to pay.” “Pay!  Pay to go into a theatre!” I answered, in astonishment. 

The Question of Luggage.—First Friend’s Suggestion.—Second Friend’s Suggestion.—Third Friend’s Suggestion.—Mrs. Briggs’ Advice.—Our Vicar’s Advice.—His Wife’s Advice.—Medical Advice.—Literary Advice.—George’s Recommendation.—My Sister-in-Law’s Help.—Young Smith’s Counsel.—My Own Ideas.—B.’s Idea. I have been a good deal worried to-day about the question of what luggage to take with me.  I met a man this morning, and he said: “Oh, if you are going to Ober-Ammergau, mind you take plenty of warm cl

Early Rising.—Ballast should be Stowed Away in the Hold before Putting to Sea.—Annoying Interference of Providence in Matters that it Does Not Understand.—A Socialistic Society.—B. Misjudges Me.—An Uninteresting Anecdote.—We Lay in Ballast.—A Moderate Sailor.—A Playful Boat. I got up very early this morning.  I do not know why I got up early.  We do not start till eight o’clock this evening.  But I don’t regret it—the getting up early I mean.  It is a change.  I got everybody else up too, and we

Arrival at Ostend.—Coffee and Rolls.—Difficulty of Making French Waiters understand German.—Advantages of Possessing a Conscience That Does Not Get Up Too Early.—Villainy Triumphant.—Virtue Ordered Outside.—A Homely English Row. When I say I was “awakened” at Ostend, I do not speak the strict truth.  I was not awakened—not properly.  I was only half-awakened.  I never did get fairly awake until the afternoon.  During the journey from Ostend to Cologne I was three-parts asleep and one-part partia

A Man of Family.—An Eccentric Train.—Outrage on an Englishman.—Alone in Europe.—Difficulty of Making German Waiters Understand Scandinavian.—Danger of Knowing Too Many Languages.—A Wearisome Journey.—Cologne, Ahoy! There was a very well-informed Belgian in the carriage, and he told us something interesting about nearly every town through which we passed.  I felt that if I could have kept awake, and have listened to that man, and remembered what he said, and not mixed things up, I should have lea

Difficulty of Keeping this Diary.—A Big Wash.—The German Bed.—Its Goings On.—Manners and Customs of the German Army.—B.’s Besetting Sin.—Cologne Cathedral.—Thoughts Without Words.—A Curious Custom. This diary is getting mixed.  The truth is, I am not living as a man who keeps a diary should live.  I ought, of course, to sit down in front of this diary at eleven o’clock at night, and write down all that has occurred to me during the day.  But at eleven o’clock at night, I am in the middle of a lo

The Rhine!—How History is Written.—Complicated Villages.—How a Peaceful Community Was Very Much Upset.—The German Railway Guard.—His Passion for Tickets.—We Diffuse Comfort and Joy Wherever We Go, Gladdening the Weary, and Bringing Smiles to Them that Weep.—“Tickets, Please.”—Hunting Experiences.—A Natural Mistake.—Free Acrobatic Performance by the Guard.—The Railway Authorities’ Little Joke.—Why We Should Think of the Sorrows of Others. We returned to the station just in time to secure comforta

We Seek Breakfast.—I Air My German.—The Art of Gesture.—The Intelligence of the Première Danseuse.—Performance of English Pantomime in the Pyrenees.—Sad Result Therefrom.—The “German Conversation” Book.—Its Narrow-minded View of Human Wants and Aspirations.—Sunday in Munich.—Hans and Gretchen.—High Life v. Low Life.—“A Beer-Cellar.” At Munich we left our luggage at the station, and went in search of breakfast.  Of course, at eight o’clock in the morning none of the big cafés were open; but at le

We Dine.—A Curious Dish.—“A Feeling of Sadness Comes O’er Me.”—The German Cigar.—The Handsomest Match in Europe.—“How Easy ’tis for Friends to Drift Apart,” especially in a place like Munich Railway Station.—The Victim of Fate.—A Faithful Bradshaw.—Among the Mountains.—Prince and Pauper.—A Modern Romance.—Arrival at Oberau.—Wise and Foolish Pilgrims.—An Interesting Drive.—Ettal and its Monastery.—We Reach the Goal of our Pilgrimage. At one o’clock we turned into a restaurant for dinner.  The Ger

A Pleasant Morning.—What can one Say about the Passion Play?—B. Lectures.—Unreliable Description of Ober-Ammergau.—Exaggerated Description of its Weather.—Possibly Untruthful Account of how the Passion Play came to be Played.—A Good Face.—The Cultured Schoolboy and his Ignorant Relations. I am lying in bed, or, to speak more truthfully, I am sitting up on a green satin, lace-covered pillow, writing these notes.  A green satin, lace-covered bed is on the floor beside me.  It is about eleven o’clo

We talk on.—An Argument.—The Story that Transformed the World. “And now, as to the right or wrong of the performance as a whole.  Do you see any objection to the play from a religious point of view?” “No,” I reply, “I do not; nor do I understand how anybody else, and least of all a really believing Christian, can either.  To argue as some do, that Christianity should be treated as a sacred mystery, is to argue against the whole scheme of Christianity.  It was Christ himself that rent the veil of

We Discuss the Performance.—A Marvellous Piece of Workmanship.—The Adam Family.—Some Living Groups.—The Chief Performers.—A Good Man, but a Bad Judas.—Where the Histrionic Artist Grows Wild.—An Alarm! “And what do you think of the performance as a performance?” asks B. “Oh, as to that,” I reply, “I think what everyone who has seen the play must think, that it is a marvellous piece of workmanship. “Experienced professional stage-managers, with all the tricks and methods of the theatre at their fi

Troubles of a Tourist Agent.—His Views on Tourists.—The English Woman Abroad.—And at Home.—The Ugliest Cathedral in Europe.—Old Masters and New.—Victual-and-Drink-Scapes.—The German Band.—A “Beer Garden.”—Not the Women to Turn a Man’s Head.—Difficulty of Dining to Music.—Why one should Keep one’s Mug Shut. I think myself it is Saturday.  B. says it is only Friday; but I am positive I have had three cold baths since we left Ober-Ammergau, which we did on Wednesday morning.  If it is only Friday,

A Long Chapter, but happily the Last.—The Pilgrims’ Return.—A Deserted Town.—Heidelberg.—The Common, or Bed, Sheet, Considered as a Towel.—B. Grapples with a Continental Time Table.—An Untractable Train.—A Quick Run.—Trains that Start from Nowhere.—Trains that Arrive at Nowhere.—Trains that Don’t Do Anything.—B. Goes Mad.—Railway Travelling in Germany.—B. is Taken Prisoner.—His Fortitude.—Advantages of Ignorance.—First Impressions of Germany and of the Germans. We are at Ostend.  Our pilgrimage