128 chapters
46 minute read
Selected Chapters
128 chapters
MEMOIR.
MEMOIR.
Abe Lincoln, the late President of the United States of America, was born on the 12th of February, 1809, in Hardin County, in the State of Kentucky. His grandfather, who emigrated from Virginia to the above State, was slain by the Indians in 1784. Thomas Lincoln, father of the President, and Nancy Hawks, his mother, were natives of Virginia. The opportunities for education enjoyed by Abraham were few and far between, for at an early age his father needed his assistance in clearing the forest, an
3 minute read
Lincoln and Meagher.
Lincoln and Meagher.
On Lincoln’s receiving a dispatch from Meagher, the Irish General, stating that he had succeeded in capturing an entire division of the seceders, the president remarked that “it was good news, if true; but he suspected it was Meagher (mere) humbug!”...
12 minute read
Commodore Wilks.
Commodore Wilks.
When the president heard of the capture of Slidell and Mason on board the Trent , he foresaw that it would be likely to breed a rupture with England, but dismissed the consideration of it by saying that “should the commander’s foolish conduct place him in difficulties, he would not fail to give Wilks a hoister (an oyster).” On another occasion in alluding to the same personage and affair, he remarked that “it would serve Wilks right if he lost his place ” (plaice)....
25 minute read
A proper Cognomen.
A proper Cognomen.
When Captain Frye, the son of Canon Frye, was, for his distinguished bravery at the Battle of Bull’s Run, jokingly alluded to by Sumner as a son of a gun. Old Abe remarked that “he could with far greater propriety call him a son of a Canon ” (cannon)....
14 minute read
A Severe Retort.
A Severe Retort.
General Grant once applied for permission to be employed in a special service on the ground that he commanded none but tried men. “Yes,” replied the president, “I admit the truthfulness of your plea, for if they have not been tried in the field they have been tried elsewhere!”...
15 minute read
Conundrum.
Conundrum.
“Come, Chase,” said Lincoln, on one occasion while sitting tete-a-tete with the great American financier, “I will give you a conundrum: Why is a man who deals in stale jokes like a stock-jobber?” After sundry ineffectual attempts upon the part of his friend to find an answer, the presidential joker gave the following for a reply: “Because he deals in fun dead (funded) property.”...
18 minute read
A Grumbler Answered.
A Grumbler Answered.
A certain well-known American grumbler once appeared before the president to obtain the dismissal of General Grant upon the ground of drunkenness. “Why,” exclaimed the faultfinder, “he, on one occasion, drank twelve bottles of wine at a sitting.” “That,” said Lincoln, “is more than I can swallow.”...
13 minute read
Loquacity.
Loquacity.
A very loquacious personage once applied for a government situation upon the ground that he had no other mode of obtaining a living, having tried several shops and failed at each! “I cannot grant your request,” was the president’s reply, “but I would suggest that you tried a tongue shop.”...
14 minute read
A Slashing Inuendo.
A Slashing Inuendo.
When President Lincoln visited the army of the Potomac, a captain with a face cut and slashed in all directions, complained of the great want of ambulances and the consequent sufferings of the wounded. “I will do my best,” replied Abe, “to supply the deficiency,” and then, turning to another, he remarked that “the captain had no right to complain of the number of his (s) cars.”...
19 minute read
Scriptural Criticism.
Scriptural Criticism.
Abe Lincoln, who is by no means a bad judge of paintings, was shewn a picture done by a very indifferent hand, and asked to give an opinion of it. “Why,” said the president, the “painter is a very good painter, and observes the Lord’s commandments.” “What do you mean by that, Mr. Lincoln?” said a well-known member of the senate, who was standing by. “Why, I think,” answered Abraham, “that he hath not made to himself the likeness of anything that is in the heaven above, or that is in the earth be
28 minute read
A Poultry (paltry) War.
A Poultry (paltry) War.
A crony of Abe’s—a man named Payne, was appointed a general at Illinois; in reference to his election the following is recorded, which the president tells with great gusto : One day a wealthy old lady, whose plantation was in the vicinity of the camp, came in and inquired for General Payne. When the commander made his appearance, the old lady in warm language told him that his men had stolen her last coop of chickens, and demanded its restoration or its value in money. “I am sorry for you, madam
33 minute read
False Accusation.
False Accusation.
When General Peck attempted to take Blackwater, in Virginia, fear was expressed, that from his known sternness, he would compromise the honour of the Federal cause by giving the place up to pillage. “No fear,” said Lincoln, “it takes more pecks than one to make a sack .”...
14 minute read
Abe’s Difficulties.
Abe’s Difficulties.
A celebrated American Explorer, while chatting with the president, said that in his late attempt to discover the remains of the unfortunate Sir John Franklin and his crew, he passed through Davis’-straits. “Did you, by God,” said Abe, “then, I should think you are the only person on earth who could pass through mine.”...
15 minute read
Misnomers.
Misnomers.
“What are you?” said Lincoln, to a man dressed in fustian, who rudely accosted him in the streets of Washington. “I am a civil engineer” was the reply. “Then,” said the president, “you are like the war now raging, sadly mis-named, for there is nothing civil about you.”...
13 minute read
Deficiency of Fuel.
Deficiency of Fuel.
A ship was lately dispatched by Welles to endeavour to capture the celebrated Southern cruiser, yclept the Alabama . After the ship had been absent a short time it was discovered that the supply of coals was deficient. The coals had been supplied by a celebrated New York dealer in that commodity named Heaven. Upon the matter being mentioned to Lincoln, he replied, “Well, he ought to have telegraphed to Heaven for more coals.”...
21 minute read
A slight addition.
A slight addition.
A New York lawyer was desirous of being appointed as a judge. “There are only ten,” he exclaimed, “to transact the whole of the state’s affairs.” “And so you want to increase them to one hundred,” said Lincoln. “How so,” said the applicant. “Why, by adding a cipher to them.”...
14 minute read
Preaching out West.
Preaching out West.
Lincoln is very fond of repeating the following: “I knew an old preacher, out west, who, on a very cold day, when describing hell, said ‘it was an awful place and that the cold was unbearable.’ One of his congregation, at the close of the sermon, took upon himself to ask the preacher why he had described hell as being cold, when all eminent divines said it was the very reverse. ‘Oh, sir,’ said the preacher, ‘I had good reason, for if I had preached the reverse, I should have had them running awa
27 minute read
Tom Thumb.
Tom Thumb.
“I understand , General,” said Lincoln, addressing the celebrated dwarf, Tom Thumb, “that you are about to have the first instalment of a family.” “Yes,” was the general’s reply. “Well,” said the president, “I trust it will be a boy.” “Why,” interrogated the dwarf. “Because I should like your infant to increase my infantry.”...
15 minute read
Abe’s First Joke.
Abe’s First Joke.
Abe Lincoln, when a boy, had an uncle who kept a mill down west. Noticing that the mill was going very slow, the young joker, on meeting the miller, said, he could eat the meal faster than the mill ground it. “How long could you do so?” said his uncle, struck by the boy’s remark. “Why, ’till I starved to death ,” replied the young incorrigible....
19 minute read
A Wonderful Child.
A Wonderful Child.
“American babies,” said Lincoln, during the time of the celebrated baby show, “lick all babies. I have seen one in Massachusetts, only six months old, sitting in its mother’s lap, viewing its own cradle, to see if it could not invent a better, or, at least, suggest some improvement.”...
14 minute read
How to stop thieves.
How to stop thieves.
“Friend Lincoln,” said a celebrated Western farmer, one day, to the president, “thee knows almost everything; can thee tell me how I am to preserve my small beer in the back yard? My neighbours are often tapping it of nights.”—“Put a barrel of old Madeira by the side of it, let the rogues but get a taste of that, and I warrant they’ll never touch your small beer any more.”...
20 minute read
Artillery Practice.
Artillery Practice.
When is was reported that General Blunt had let the rebel cavalry escape. The President remarked to the Chief of the War Department, that “the appointment of such a man was a piece of folly, for how could it be expected that Blunt could be Sharp .”...
14 minute read
A curious addition.
A curious addition.
“Is it not curious, General,” said Abe to McClellan, “that whenever a piece of field artillery is fired, that the number of animals attending it is increased?” “How so?” said the famous Northern General. “Why,” said Lincoln, “it then has not only its four horses in front, but it has also its moke behind.”...
16 minute read
A Crocodile’s age.
A Crocodile’s age.
Abe Lincoln prides himself on being the first to make known the means of ascertaining the age of crocodiles. He says that a negro acquainted him with the fact that a sort of bag is placed in the intestines of the crocodiles, which always contains a number of stones corresponding with the years of its life, it being the custom of these animals to swallow a stone on their birthday....
20 minute read
No Thanks.
No Thanks.
Abe, at one of his morning levees, had a visitor who introduced himself as one of the President’s best friends, and soliciting a government post then vacant as the gift of Abe, urged his claim for the appointment upon the ground that it was solely through the applicant’s exertions Mr. Lincoln was elected president. “Oh, indeed;” said Abe, “I now look upon the man, who of all men, has crowned my existence with a crown of thorns—no post for you in my gift, I assure you; I wish you good morning.”..
25 minute read
Punning again.
Punning again.
Governor Seymour telegraphed to Lincoln during the late riots in New York City, that there was no occasion to act so harshly and drag so many citizens off to prison. The reply was that “he (the president) thought quite differently, and that he should never be content till he’d see more (Seymour) there.”...
15 minute read
Skill of a Young Officer.
Skill of a Young Officer.
McClellan was once speaking to the President of a promising young officer who was slain at the cattle of Bull’s run. “Oh,” said the American Chief, “if there was doubt about his being skilled while living, no one doubts but that he’s (s) killed now.”...
15 minute read
A foot in it.
A foot in it.
When Admiral Foote was appointed to command the South Atlantic squadron, he bade Welles to see that the Admiral’s ship was quite sea-worthy. “How is it you are so particular,” said the Naval Chief. “Why,” said Lincoln, with a chuckle, “have I not placed my Foot in it.”...
15 minute read
Shakspearian Query.
Shakspearian Query.
Abraham is known to be very fond of Shakspeare, yet at times, to indulge in a joke, even at the expense of his favourite. A short time since, he wrote as follows to a popular actor, with whom he is known to be on intimate terms:— “In Hamlet , Act II., Scene 2, is this:— “‘ King. He tells me, my dear Gertrude, he hath found the head and source of all your son’s distemper.’ “‘ Queen. I doubt it is no other but the main .’ “Tell me, does her Majesty imply that Hamlet suffered from sea-sickness?” Th
35 minute read
Jack’s Opinion.
Jack’s Opinion.
The President narrates the following story:—“While passing along the streets of New York, one day, I met a Jack Tar. ‘What ship,’ I enquired, ‘do you belong to?’ ‘What odds is that to you,’ was the reply. ‘Do you know who I am,’ I exclaimed. ‘No.’ ‘Why, I am the President.’ Then, said Jack, ‘ You have a damned good berth of it! ’”...
18 minute read
Pun upon Pun.
Pun upon Pun.
The facetious president thus wrote to a friend in Scotland:— “As however, I am somewhat partial to female authors (Scotch or otherwise), don’t forget to remember me to all the blue belles of Scotland, and to as many primroses as you can find. The remembrance may produce a little heart’s ease , and cause their two-lips to bless you.”...
19 minute read
Lincoln at the Play.
Lincoln at the Play.
I had the pleasure on Monday night of seeing “Macbeth” rendered upon the stage of Messrs. Wallack and Devonport, and also of seeing Mr. Lincoln present at the same time. It is Mr. Lincoln’s favourite play, and one could not repress a certain curiosity to know (though he is familiar with them as he is with stump speaking, doubtless) how certain passages would strike him. When the following passage between Malcolm and Macduff was pronounced the audience was suddenly silent as the grave:— Mr. Linco
1 minute read
A Southern Estimate.
A Southern Estimate.
When informed that General Stoughton had been captured by the rebels at Fairfax, the President is reported to have said that he did not mind the loss of the Brigadier as much as he did the loss of the horses. “For,” said he, “I can make a much better Brigadier in five minutes, but the horses cost a hundred and twenty-five dollars a-piece.”...
18 minute read
Strong Habits.
Strong Habits.
“Well,” said the President, after the last repulse before Richmond, “them blessed ‘babies’ do fight, and the old chaps lifted from their graves are at any rate from the right mould ; the babies are like young puppies that can stand a deal of licking, and the old boys are too old to run !”...
16 minute read
A Story concerning a Second Term.
A Story concerning a Second Term.
It is said that, some time ago, a gentleman hinted to the President that it was deemed quite settled that he would accept a re-nomination for his present office, whereupon Mr. Lincoln was reminded of a story of Jesse Dubois, out in Illinois. Jesse as State Auditor, had charge of the State House at Springfield. An itinerant preacher came along and asked the use of it for a lecture. “On what subject?” asked Jesse. “On the second coming of our Saviour,” answered the long-faced Millerite. “Oh, bosh,
37 minute read
Estimate of Official Honours.
Estimate of Official Honours.
As a further elucidation of Mr. Lincoln’s estimation of Presidential honours, a story is told of how a supplicant for office of more than ordinary pretensions called upon him, and, presuming on the activity he had shown in behalf of the Republican ticket, asserted, as a reason why the office should be given to him, that he had made Mr. Lincoln president. “You made me President, did you?” said Mr. Lincoln, with a twinkle of his eye. “I think I did,” said the applicant. “Then a precious mess you’v
28 minute read
Truly Awful.
Truly Awful.
“When do you think this war will be ended, Mr. Lincoln?” said an impatient citizen. “Why, when we have whipped the slaveowners.” “Then I’m thinking,” replied the citizen, “that you will never live to see its close. I have already seen its clothes, and they are the most blood-stained and bespattered lot I ever saw. But I trow , sir, war is sure to spoil the habits of a people, especially when they go to sleep in breeches.”...
22 minute read
A Liberal Giver.
A Liberal Giver.
Mr. Lincoln , in his happier moments, is not always reminded of a “little story,” but often indulges in a veritable joke. One of the latest reported is his remark when he found himself attacked by the varioloid; he had been recently very much worried by people asking favours. “Well,” said he, when the contagious disease was coming upon him, “I’ve got something now that I can give to everybody.” About the time when there was considerable grumbling as to the delay in forwarding to the troops the m
38 minute read
Coffee versus Tea.
Coffee versus Tea.
It is told by a Federal correspondent, who is probably “reliable,” that Mr. Lincoln was walking up Pennsylvania Avenue the other day, relating “a little story” to Secretary Seward, when the latter called his attention to a new sign bearing the name of “T. R. Strong.” “Ha!” says old Abe, his countenance lighting up with a peculiar smile, “T. R. Strong, but coffee are stronger.” Seward smiled, but made no reply. [We don’t see how he could reply after so atrocious a thing as that.]...
24 minute read
Liquor, Boys.
Liquor, Boys.
A number of clergymen of the Beecher school waited on the President with a memorial, signed by 7,000 religious Presbyterians, requesting that General Grant be removed on the ground of drunkenness. They got a warm reception from Old Abe for their pains, who retorted thus: “Only tell me,” said he, “where he buys his liquor, I will be obliged to you, and will send a cask of the same liquor to every general in the army.”...
21 minute read
Seasonable.
Seasonable.
Alluding to one of the great battles recently fought, the President, in bidding farewell to the general said, “I hear that the rebels complain of a want of salt, I hope when you return you will be able to inform me that after you have as-( sault )ed them they will have been sufficiently peppered.”...
15 minute read
Too Deep.
Too Deep.
The President at a dinner party related the following with much gusto: “During one of the retreats of the Army of the Potomac, some of the cavalry had a desire to cross, the commanding officer called out to them to ‘form two deep .’ One of them, however, in advance of the rest, and up to his horse’s nose in water, called out that he was ‘too deep already.’”...
20 minute read
How to Conquer the South.
How to Conquer the South.
The kind words the President said regarding the enemy, called forth a rebuke from an elderly lady who was present. She wondered how he could speak kindly of his enemies, when he should rather destroy them. “What, madam?” replied the President, “do I not destroy them when I make them my friends?”...
15 minute read
Gratuitous Kindness.
Gratuitous Kindness.
When President Lincoln was a very young man, he paid a visit to New York. While there, some thief contrived to ease him of his watch. The next day the young joker inserted the following in the New York Herald : “Stolen, a watch worth a hundred dollars. If the thief will return it, he shall be informed, gratis, where he may steal one worth two of it, and no questions asked.”...
20 minute read
Blowing Hot and Cold.
Blowing Hot and Cold.
“It’s very hot in the south, Mr. Lincoln, is it not?” said a personal friend to Lincoln, on his return from a visit to an important station of the Federal army. “Very,” was the ready answer, “I saw a woman do her ironing with no other warming power save that of the sunshine, and as I came away she was hanging her kettle out of the window to get her tea ready.”...
21 minute read
Negro Pluck.
Negro Pluck.
On Mrs. Lincoln doubting the heroism of the niggers, her husband related the following:—“A negro at Boston had a severe attack of rheumatism, which finally settled in his foot. He bathed it and rubbed it, but to no purpose. Finally, tearing the bandage off, he stuck it out with a savage grin, and shaking his fist at it, exclaimed, ‘Ache away, dear old feller, I shan’t do nothing more for yer; dis child,’ tapping his breast, ‘can stand it as long as you can, so ache away.’”...
24 minute read
Change of Climate.
Change of Climate.
The President of America, while taking a stroll along the wharfs of Boston, U. S., met a tall, gaunt-looking figure, a “digger,” from California, and got into conversation with him. “Healthy climate, I suppose?” “Healthy! it ain’t anything else. Why, stranger, you can choose there any climate you like, hot or cold, and that without travellin’ more than fifteen minutes. Jest think o’ that the next cold morning when you get out o’ bed. There’s a mountain there—the Sawyer Navaday, they call it—with
51 minute read
A new Motive Power.
A new Motive Power.
A grand mistake was made in the construction of one of the Federal rams, there being insufficient space for stowing the fuel. Upon hearing this he blamed the constructor, and asked him if he intended the vessel to be driven by the force of circumstances ....
14 minute read
The President and the Pleader.
The President and the Pleader.
It being hinted to a western pleader that he ought to bring his defence to a close; he answered, “that he would speak as long as he pleased.” “You have spoken longer than you please ,” said Lincoln, who was standing by his side....
13 minute read
Concerning Congress Men.
Concerning Congress Men.
It is stated that he was much disgusted at the crowd of officers who some time ago used to loiter about the Washington hotels, and he is reported to have remarked to a member of Congress; “These fellows and the Congress men do vex me sorely.” Another member of Congress was conversing with the President, and was somewhat annoyed by the President’s propensity to divert attention from the serious object he had on his mind, by ludicrous allusions. “Mr. Lincoln,” said he, “I think you would have your
31 minute read
Inquisitiveness Nonplussed.
Inquisitiveness Nonplussed.
Mr. Lincoln has a very effective way sometimes of dealing with men who trouble him with questions. Somebody asked him how many men the rebels had in the field. He replied very seriously, “Twelve hundred thousand, according to the best authority.” The interrogator blanched in the face, and ejaculated, “My God!” “Yes, sir, twelve hundred thousand—no doubt of it. You see, all of our Generals, when they get whipped, say the enemy outnumbers them from three or five to one, and I must believe them; we
31 minute read
The Judge and his Coachman.
The Judge and his Coachman.
One day, when Mr. Bates was remonstrating with Mr. Lincoln against the appointment of some indifferent lawyer to a place of judicial importance, the President interposed with, “Come, now, Bates, he’s not half so bad as you think. Besides that, I must tell you, he did me a good turn long ago. When I took to the law, I was going to court one morning, with some ten or twelve miles of bad made road before me, and I had no horse. The judge overtook me in his waggon. ‘Hello, Lincoln, are you not going
1 minute read
Concerning the President Personally.
Concerning the President Personally.
Some one was smoking in the presence of the President, and complimented him on having no vices, neither drinking nor smoking. “That is a doubtful compliment,” answered the President, “I recollect once being outside a stage in Illinois, and a man sitting by me offered me a segar. I told him I had no vices. He said nothing, smoked for some time, and then grunted out, ‘It’s my experience that folks who have no vices have plagued few virtues.’”...
22 minute read
The President’s Vanity.
The President’s Vanity.
Old Abe is rather vain of his height, but one day a young man called on him who was certainly three inches taller than the former; he was like the mathematical definition of the straight line—length without breadth. “Really,” said old Abe, “I must look up to you; if you ever get in a deep place you ought to be able to wade out.” That reminds us of the story told of Lincoln, when called from an hotel. He at once obeyed the command of the assembled Yankees, with his wife (somewhat below medium hei
33 minute read
Two instances where the President was not reminded of a story.
Two instances where the President was not reminded of a story.
The President is often naturally bantered about his habit of story-telling. Dr. Hovey, of Dansville, N.Y., called at the White House, and found the occupant on horseback, ready for a ride. The Dr. approached and said: “Lincoln, I thought I would call and see you before leaving the city, and hear you tell a story.” Lincoln greeted him pleasantly, and asked him where he was from. The reply was: “From Western New York.” “Well, that’s a good enough country without stories,” said the President, and o
27 minute read
Public Opinion.
Public Opinion.
Some moral philosopher was telling the old President one day about the undercurrent of public opinion; he went on to explain it at length, and drew an illustration from the Mediterranean Sea. The current seemed very curiously to flow in both from the Black Sea and the Atlantic Ocean; but a shrewd Yankee, by means of a contrivance of floats, had discovered that in the outlet into the Atlantic only about thirty feet of the surface water flowed inward, while there was a tremendous current under tha
32 minute read
The President’s Secret.
The President’s Secret.
When the Sherman expedition, which captured Fort Royal, was fitting out, there was great curiosity to learn where it had gone. A person, visiting the chief magistrate at the White House, importuned him very much to disclose the destination to him. “Will you keep it entirely secret?” asked the President. “Oh, yes, upon my honour.” “Well,” said the President, “I’ll tell you.” Assuming an air of great mystery, and drawing the man close to him, he kept him a moment awaiting title revelation with an
30 minute read
About the Negro Question.
About the Negro Question.
The story will be remembered, perhaps, of Mr. Lincoln’s reply to a Springfield (Ill.) clergyman, who asked him what was to be his policy on the slavery question. “Well, your question is rather a good one, but I will answer it by telling you a story. You know Father B., the old Methodist preacher? and you know Fox river and its freshets? Once in the presence of Father B. a young Methodist was worrying about Fox river, and expressing fears that he should be prevented from fulfilling some of his ap
53 minute read
An extraordinary reply by Old Abe.
An extraordinary reply by Old Abe.
One day, it is said, a distinguished New York official was at Washington, and in an interview with old Abe, introduced the question of emancipation. “You see,” said Lincoln, “we’ve got to be mighty cautious how we manage the negro question; if we’re not, we may be like unto the barber out in Illinois, who was shaving a fellow with hatchet face and lantern jaws like mine. The barber put his finger in his customer’s mouth, to make his cheek stick out, but while shaving away he cut through the fell
33 minute read
A Rebuke to people asking trivial questions.
A Rebuke to people asking trivial questions.
A farmer, not over patriotic, of the State of Virginia, importuned the President to use his influence to have a claim for damage done to his farm by soldiers considered immediately. “Why, my dear sir,” replied Mr. Lincoln blandly, “I couldn’t think of such a thing; if I considered individual cases, I should find work enough for twenty Presidents!” “But,” said the persevering sufferer, “couldn’t you just give me a line to Colonel —— about it? Just one line? ” “Ha, ha, ha!” responded Old Abe, “you
1 minute read
Pickles!
Pickles!
When Atlanta was destroyed a large quantity of pickles were, inadvertently, destroyed. Lincoln said, “It didn’t matter much, as his generals generally contrived to get their men into no end of pickles ; but had they desired to have retained them they surely ought to have been preserved .”...
14 minute read
The Poet and the President.
The Poet and the President.
A poet was in the habit of pestering the President with his books. On one occasion he brought one to the President, who told him to put it into rhyme. He did so, and brought it back. “Ah!” said Abe, “it will do now; it is rhyme, formerly it was neither rhyme nor reason.”...
16 minute read
Matrimony.
Matrimony.
In a mixed company which the President honored with his presence, the topic of conversation turned on matrimony, when one, as is usual, compared it to Heaven, and another to Hell. On its being referred to the President, he, like a philosopher as he is, said “We had better take a middle course and call it Purgatory.”...
16 minute read
Abe and the Picture Dealer.
Abe and the Picture Dealer.
A New York picture dealer once applied to Abe Lincoln to purchase, at a preposterously high figure, a portrait, which he assured him was the original of Wren, (Sir Christopher) by Hogarth. Abe pretended to scan the picture closely, and then cut the interview short by saying that it was not a portrait of Wren; it looked more like robin ( robbing )....
18 minute read
Sojourner Truth.
Sojourner Truth.
When Sojourner Truth visited the present occupant of the White House, the President gave him a most hearty welcome. “Lies,” said he, “are pictured as being black as Erebus; but thou, Truth , art black also.” The most numerous lies, said the sable skin, are white lies ....
14 minute read
The National Debt.
The National Debt.
“I have come to consult you on the enormous increase of our national debt,” said Chase to his master; “but perhaps you would rather I deferred it for the present?” “By no means,” was the reply; “ its great interest claims my most devout attention.”...
13 minute read
The Sword and the Law.
The Sword and the Law.
The President was lamenting to a lawyer the immense number who fell at the battle of ——. The lawyer, to soothe him, said “That those who live by the sword must expect to die by the sword!” “Yes,” said Abe; “and those who live by the law must expect to die by the law.”...
16 minute read
Abe at the Play.
Abe at the Play.
Abe, who is very fond of theatricals, went, upon a recent occasion, to the theatre to see a new play. The friend, who was with him, remarked upon the thinness of the house, and said he supposed it was owing to the war. “No,” replied the jester; “it is not owing to the war, it is owing to the piece .”...
18 minute read
Anecdote.
Anecdote.
At a dinner the President recently gave at the White House, he was much amused by the following anecdote, related by one of the officers who had just returned from a northern victory. During the battle the rain came pouring down to such an extent that he remarked to a companion, who stood by, (an Irishman) that it reminded him of the general deluge . “And faith,” says Pat, “who’s that? I never heard of that general before.”...
21 minute read
The Scotch Editor.
The Scotch Editor.
At this same dinner party there was a Scotchman, an editor of one of the northern newspapers. Opposite to him, at the table, sat a gentleman who had indulged pretty freely in his cups. In the course of conversation he asked the Scotchman “What was the difference between a Scott and a Lot?” To this the Scotchman replied, that “the difference lay in the breadth of the table.”...
19 minute read
The Senator.
The Senator.
A certain senator, not the highest ornament to the White House, had a custom of shaking his head when another member spoke. The speaker complained of this as an affront. The President, however, took it good humouredly, and assured his friend that although the gentleman often shook his head, there was nothing in it....
15 minute read
The Epitaph.
The Epitaph.
An officer of the northern army who was remarkable for the brilliancy of his fireworks, not connected with war, was speaking of the beauty of an epitaph, written upon a friend of his, who had fallen in battle. His friend was fond of music; and the officer said he is gone to that place where only his own harmony can be exceeded. The President slyly hinted that the same might serve for him by only altering one word—“He is gone to that place where only his own fireworks can be excelled.”...
25 minute read
WORKS PUBLISHED BY FARRAH,
WORKS PUBLISHED BY FARRAH,
282, STRAND, LONDON, W.C. THE PROPHET OF NAZARETH, or a Critical Inquiry into the Prophetical, Intellectual, and Moral Character of Jesus Christ, as exemplified in his Predictions, his Precepts, his Actions, his Discourses, and his Social intercourse. By Evan Powell Meredith . Baillie Prize Essay. Price 12s. 6d. LETTERS, CONVERSATIONS, AND RECOLLECTIONS of S. T. Coleridge. Edited by Thomas Allsop . Third Edition, 2s. 6d. PHILOSOPHY AND RELIGION of the Bible. By W. J. Birch . Price 5s. CUMM
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