Mornings At Bow Street - free ebook by J. (John) Wight

Read as playlist

Mornings At Bow Street

J. (John) Wight

86 chapters

5 hour read

Read as playlist

Selected Chapters

86 chapters

MORNINGS AT BOW STREET.

MORNINGS AT BOW STREET.

MORNINGS AT BOW STREET: A Selection OF THE MOST HUMOROUS AND ENTERTAINING REPORTS WHICH HAVE APPEARED IN THE "MORNING HERALD." BY J. WIGHT, BOW-STREET REPORTER TO THE "MORNING HERALD." WITH TWENTY-ONE ILLUSTRATIONS BY GEORGE CRUIKSHANK. "They did gather humours of men dayly wherever they came." Aubrey MS. LONDON: GEORGE ROUTLEDGE AND SONS, THE BROADWAY, LUDGATE. NEW YORK: 416 BROOME STREET. 1875. LONDON: BRADBURY, AGNEW, &amp; CO., PRINTERS, WHITEFRIARS....

22 minute read

Read Chapter

ADVERTISEMENT TO THE ORIGINAL EDITION.

ADVERTISEMENT TO THE ORIGINAL EDITION.

This volume consists of certain of those Bow Street Reports which have appeared from time to time, during the last three years, in the columns of the Morning Herald . The very favourable notice which they then met with from the public, has induced the author to select some of the most descriptive and amusing of them, and to present them here again, with some necessary enlargements and corrections, and in a somewhat more finished state than the rapid demands of a daily paper allowed. In their pre

2 minute read

Read Chapter

A COOL CONTRIVANCE.

A COOL CONTRIVANCE.

One fine summer's morning, a short, dumpy, sunburnt, orange and purple-faced old man—topped with a clean white night-cap, was brought before the magistrate by an officer, who had just found him trudging through the Mall in St. James's Park, with his breeches on a stick over his shoulder, instead of in their natural and proper place. "This comical fad of his, please your worship," said the officer, "frightened the ladies out of their wits, and made such a hubbub among the young blackguards, that

1 minute read

Read Chapter

A COSTERMONGER'S QUERY.

A COSTERMONGER'S QUERY.

A person, who called himself a "master costermonger," having, with some difficulty, obtained access to the table, made his best bow to the magistrate, and said, "Please your vurship , vaut am I to do about my bitch ?" "About what ?" said his worship. "About my bitch, vaut I lost four months ago, your vurship. I lost her in pup, and I knows the man vaut's fun her, and now she's pupp'd six pups, and says he to me, says he, 'You shall either have the bitch vithout the pups, or the pups vithout the

42 minute read

Read Chapter

A TEA PARTY.

A TEA PARTY.

Joseph Arnold, Esq., of Duck-lane, Westminster, a retired hackney-coachman, better known by the title of "the Rough Diamond," and as the intimate friend of Bill Gibbons, Esq. P.C. Com. Gen. was brought before the sitting magistrate under the following awkward circumstances:— Mr. Peter Guy, who is a tailor [2] (by trade ), and Mrs. Peter Guy, were invited to tea by the accomplished hostess of the Russian Hotel in Bow-street. Mr. Joseph Arnold, Mr. Joseph Arnold's housekeeper, and several other la

3 minute read

Read Chapter

PAT LANGHAM'S LOGIC.

PAT LANGHAM'S LOGIC.

Mr. Patrick Langham was charged with having assaulted Mrs. Bridget Finnagen, by spitting in her face. His worship told him he was a dirty fellow, and asked him what he could say in excuse for such an unmanly and disgusting trick. "Well, your honour," replied Patrick, "I should not have done it by no manes , but she put her nose in the mouth of me." "Nonsense, man! How could she put her nose in your mouth?" "Well, your honour, she did that same, any how; an I can bring a witness to the fore that'

1 minute read

Read Chapter

MANGLING AND MATRIMONY.

MANGLING AND MATRIMONY.

Mr. Thomas Turner was brought before the magistrate on a peace warrant, issued at the suit of his wife, Mrs. Eleanor Turner. There was a world of arguments pro. and con. ; but we must content ourselves with a simple narrative of the principal facts. Mr. and Mrs. Turner were married in September last, at which time he was not much more than seventy-three years old; and she was only fifty-six, the very day they went to church; consequently their experience was not so great as it might have been, h

3 minute read

Read Chapter

BATTLE IN THE BOXES.

BATTLE IN THE BOXES.

Among the watch-house detenus brought before the magistrates one morning, to answer for misdoings on the preceding night, there was a little, fat, round, well-dressed, comfortable-looking personage, named ——; but his name can be of no interest to the public, as the offence laid to his charge amounted only to an assault and battery, caused by the boiling over of his anger at a supposed invasion of his right and title to a particular seat in one of the boxes at the English opera—he having set his

4 minute read

Read Chapter

A SPOILED QUADRILLE.

A SPOILED QUADRILLE.

One Solomon Dobbs , an operative tailor, "all fudge and fooster," like a superannuated goose, was charged by a very spruce young gentleman with raising a false alarm against him, whereby he, the young gentleman, was in imminent danger of being treated as a pickpocket, or something of that sort. The young gentleman, whose name we understood to be Henry Augustus Jinks , was proceeding to his studies in quadrilling at the dancing academy, in Pickett-place, Temple Bar, about nine o'clock in the even

2 minute read

Read Chapter

OYSTER EATING.

OYSTER EATING.

A law student was brought up from St. Clement's watch-house, to which place he had been consigned between eleven and twelve on the preceding night, at the suit of an ancient oyster-woman of that parish. The venerable fishmongeress deposed, that the Law Student was in the practice of occasionally taking oysters at her shop; and in general he conducted himself like a very nice sort of gentleman—so much so, that she had more pleasure in opening oysters for him than for any other gentleman of her ac

2 minute read

Read Chapter

A WATCHMAN'S WALTZ.

A WATCHMAN'S WALTZ.

Two young men—the one a deputy drover, and the other an operative boot-maker—were charged by a watchman with having "bother'd him on his bate ," and refused to "go along off of it when he tould 'em." He was asked to describe the nature of the bother ; and he replied, that they came rambling up to him intosticatedly , and ax'd him—"Charley, where am the waits ?" [10] "I don't know," says I—"get along out of it; and don't be after axing about such nonsense," says I. "We won't," says they—"we'll wa

2 minute read

Read Chapter

A LITTLE BIT OF A CAUTION.

A LITTLE BIT OF A CAUTION.

Patrick Saul, a good-humoured looking Irishman, was charged with maliciously throwing a boy into a deep well, with intent to do him some grievous bodily harm. Robert Hemmet, the boy alluded to, was crossing a field at Walham-green, when he met the prisoner, who asked him to fetch him half-a-pint of porter, and, before he could reply, took him up in his arms, and threw him into a well, in which there was seven feet depth of water. Having thrown him in, he walked leisurely away, and had he not bee

1 minute read

Read Chapter

DUNNING EXTRAORDINARY.

DUNNING EXTRAORDINARY.

Mr. Thomas Kingston, a military officer on the half-pay list, appeared in custody to answer the complaint of Mrs. Bridget Bull. Mrs. Bridget Bull was an old lady of respectable appearance, very gentle in manners, and rather infirm. She deposed that the defendant, Mr. Kingston, was indebted to her husband the sum of four pounds six shillings and ninepence halfpenny, for goods sold and delivered; which debt he neglected to discharge, and thereby caused her husband and herself much trouble and inco

4 minute read

Read Chapter

STREET ETIQUETTE.

STREET ETIQUETTE.

This was a proceeding by warrant upon a matter of assault and battery, alleged to have been perpetrated upon the person of a very nice young attorney, Mr. William Henry Squibb, by John Bloomer, a youthful and golden-haired grower of cauliflowers and capsicums, in a pleasant village on the banks of the Thames. Mr. William Henry Squibb deposed, that on the 22nd of March, between the hours of eight and nine o'clock in the evening, he, the said William Henry, was passing through Leicester-square, in

3 minute read

Read Chapter

THE LOVES OF M'GILLIES AND JULIA COB.

THE LOVES OF M'GILLIES AND JULIA COB.

Mr. Robert M'Gillies was brought before the magistrates to answer the complaint of Miss Julia Cob . Mr. Robert M'Gillies was a tall, stout, portly, middle-aged, Scottish gentleman; and Miss Julia Cob, a diminutive Hibernian young lady, in a richly braided dark blue habit, smart riding hat, long black veil, and red morocco ridicule . Miss Julia Cob made a multitude of complaints, by which it appeared that whilst she was living, a gay and happy spinster, with her friends in Dublin, she was courted

4 minute read

Read Chapter

TIPSY JULIA.

TIPSY JULIA.

Miss Julia Johnson was charged by a watchman with infesting his bate in a state of bastely drunkenness. "It was King-street, your honour, that same I'm now spaking about," thundered Phelim O'Donaghue, "and she wouldn't come out of it anyhow, becase the beer had got the best of her, an' she couldn't , your honour; an' so I gathered her up, with her silks an' satins, an' put 'em altogether in the watch-house, your honour." "Did she abuse you?" asked his worship. "Fait, an' she hadn't sense enough

45 minute read

Read Chapter

AN EVENING'S PLEASURE.

AN EVENING'S PLEASURE.

A schoolmaster of Greenwich, an apothecary of Plymouth, and a London sheriff's-officer,—"three good fellows and true," were brought before the bench, charged with having "shown off" a little too much in the pit of the Olympic Theatre. Their situation in the office, when the magistrate took his seat on the bench, was thus:—The sheriff's-officer dead drunk on the floor of the outer passage; the apothecary dead drunk on the benches within the office; and the schoolmaster very drunk, but very sprigh

3 minute read

Read Chapter

A LAMPLIGHTER'S FUNERAL.

A LAMPLIGHTER'S FUNERAL.

An elderly matron, one Mrs. Bridget Foggarty—the lady of an operative architect ( vulgo a bricklayer) was charged with having wantonly assaulted a patrol, whilst in the execution of his duty. It seems that a deceased lamplighter was interred, the evening before, in St. Pancras' burying ground, with much funeral pomp—there being more than two hundred of his brother illuminati present, each bearing a flaming torch in celebration of his obsequies. This, it was said, is the universal mode of lightin

2 minute read

Read Chapter

LATE HOURS AND OYSTERS.

LATE HOURS AND OYSTERS.

Two gentlemen of pretty considerable respectability—one tall, and the other short—were charged with having assaulted the watch; and no fewer than five "ancient and quiet watchmen" appeared, to testify against them. Dennis Mack was the first in order. He said he found the two gentlemen at the door of the oyster shop in New-street, Covent-garden, between one and two o'clock in the morning, kicking up a great row with a hackney-coach and two ladies. He told them to go home to bed, and not be making

2 minute read

Read Chapter

SUPPING OUT.

SUPPING OUT.

Messrs. Theodore Planque (a very tall gentleman), Hugh Jackson (a very short one), and Robert Thomas Huff (neither tall nor short, but, as it were, between both), and a bamboo cane , almost as long and large as a little scaffold-pole, were brought before the magistrates from the subterraneous saloons of St. Martin's watch-house, charged with dreadful doings among the Charleys . [13] It appeared by the statements pro and con. , that the prisoners are very respectable people, and that on Friday ni

2 minute read

Read Chapter

A GREAT MAN IN DISTRESS.

A GREAT MAN IN DISTRESS.

A personage, who described himself as "General Sarsfield Lucan, Viscount Kilmallock in Ireland, a peer of France, and a descendant of Charlemagne," presented himself before the magistrates to solicit a few shillings to enable him to proceed on important business to Wexford. General Sarsfield Lucan wore an old brown surtout, with the collar turned up behind to keep his neck warm, and a scrap of dirty white ribbon fastened to one of the button-holes; a black velvet waistcoat, powdered with tarnish

4 minute read

Read Chapter

MRS. WILLIAMS'S PETTICOAT.

MRS. WILLIAMS'S PETTICOAT.

This was a proceeding under the Pawnbrokers' Act, by which Mrs. Priscilla Williams sought to recover a compensation in damages for the loss of certain property pledged with a Mr. Simmons. Mrs. Priscilla Williams is a bouncing buxom belle, of five-and-thirty or thereabouts, who, having occasion to raise the sum of eighteen-pence on some sudden emergency, was fain to carry her best black bombasine petticoat—or bum-be-seen petticoat, as she called it—to Mr. Simmons, of Seven Dials, a diminutive eld

1 minute read

Read Chapter

"INCHING IT BACKERT."

"INCHING IT BACKERT."

Two apprentice boys in the service of a very respectable tradesman in Museum-street, together with a little night-walker were charged by an Irish watchman with kicking up a great big row and clatter, at Charing-cross, at half-past twelve o'clock in the morning; and, what was still worse, with laughing at , and using bad words to the said watchman, when he very civilly told them to "be off of his bate;" and "moreover and above, with inching it backert in the teeth of him." "And pray what is ' inc

1 minute read

Read Chapter

MR. HUMPHREY BRUMMEL AND TERENCE O'CONNOR.

MR. HUMPHREY BRUMMEL AND TERENCE O'CONNOR.

Mr. Humphrey Brummel, a tall, gaunt old gentleman, of pedagogue-ish exterior, with each particular hair standing on end, like quills upon the fretful porcupine, was charged by Mr. Terence O'Connor, a Covent-garden watchman, with having been extramely disorderly under the pehazies (piazzas) during the night. The magistrate inquired as to the nature of his disorderliness, and Mr. Terence O'Connor explained it to be—" spaching to the lads, and frullishing his stick about like a merry Andrew." It al

2 minute read

Read Chapter

CUPID IN CHAMBERS.

CUPID IN CHAMBERS.

A pretty little aquiline-faced, "gazelle-eyed" damsel, was brought in by one of the St. Clement Danes' constables, charged with creating a riot in the chambers of Mr. Snuggs, of Clement's Inn. Master Constable knew nothing of the alleged riot, save and except what Mr. Snuggs had told him; and so he was ordered to stand aside; but Mr. Snuggs himself told a long and lamentable story of the sufferings he had endured from the fair prisoner. He had originally engaged her as a servant to attend to the

1 minute read

Read Chapter

FLORENCE O'SHAUGHNESSY.

FLORENCE O'SHAUGHNESSY.

This was a proceeding wherein one Mrs. Florence O'Shaughnessy sought " purtection behint the law agen the thumpings of her oun lawful husband," Mr. Phelim O'Shaughnessy, of the parish of St. Giles, labourer. Phelim O'Shaughnessy was a clean-made, curly-pated, good-tempered little fellow, in a new flannel jacket, white apron, and duck trousers. His wife, Florence, was about his own size, no whit behind him in cleanliness, very pretty, and she had a voice—plaintive as a turtledove's. "—An' plase y

4 minute read

Read Chapter

CORINTHIANISM.

CORINTHIANISM.

Mr. Christopher Clutterbuck and Mr. Dionysius Dobbs were charged with having created a great uproar and disturbance in the lobbies of Drury-lane Theatre on the previous evening, and with having grievously assaulted certain peace-officers, who attempted to quell the said disturbance, by taking the said Christopher Clutterbuck and Dionysius Dobbs into custody. These gentlemen were Corinthians —that is to say, in the fashion of the time, gentlemen who were " up , down , and fly to every thing." The

5 minute read

Read Chapter

A DEBT OF HONOUR.

A DEBT OF HONOUR.

This was a proceeding, by warrant, for an assault and battery, arising out of the non-settlement of a debt of honour. Mr. Elias Simmons, the complainant, is of the children of Israel; a fat, round man, of a pleasant countenance, and addicted to luxuriating in brown stout and a pipe, in the little back parlour at the Cannon Tavern—a comfortable public-house, somewhere in Knightsbridge. The defendant, Mr. Jacques Breton, is a native of Switzerland; tall, gaunt, and elderly, with a nice sense of ho

3 minute read

Read Chapter

CHEAP DINING.

CHEAP DINING.

A person of very respectable exterior was brought before the magistrate, charged with assaulting the waiter, and destroying the property, of an eating-house proprietor in the neighbourhood of Covent-garden. Eating-houses, properly so called, are, as is well known to the initiated, vulgarly denominated " slap-bang shops;" and certainly the affair of the defendant, in the present case, was a genuine slap-bang adventure. The gentleman went into the house in question, and called for some roast beef,

2 minute read

Read Chapter

THE GENTLEMAN AND HIS BOOTS.

THE GENTLEMAN AND HIS BOOTS.

One morning in the dog-days, a gentleman presented himself before the magistrate to claim redress against a bootmaker, who, he said, had done him irreparable injury, and had wantonly inflicted upon him unheard-of torments—torments fit only for the howling inhabitants of Tartarus !—This unfortunate gentleman had walked or rather waddled into the office slip-shod, in green morocco slippers: whilst he spoke, he stood first upon one foot, and then upon the other; and there was such a manifestation o

4 minute read

Read Chapter

BEAUTY AND THE BROOMSTICK.

BEAUTY AND THE BROOMSTICK.

Mrs. Mary Evans was brought before the magistrate on a warrant charging her with an assault on the person of Miss Jemima Jennings. Mrs. Mary Evans was a tall thin matron, somewhat declining into the vale of years; but her countenance—especially the most prominent part of it, which was very prominent indeed—was still blooming with spirituous comforts. Miss Jemima Jennings was a very pretty mild-spoken young woman, with a countenance blooming with youth. Miss Jemima deposed, that on a certain day

3 minute read

Read Chapter

THE COCKNEY AND THE CAPTAIN.

THE COCKNEY AND THE CAPTAIN.

Captain J—— F——, a gallant officer, who had lost an eye in the service of his country, and was residing with his family in the pleasant village of Mortlake, was brought before the magistrate, on a warrant, charging him with having assaulted and beaten one Samuel Cooper, who called himself "a London shop-keeper, in a small way, residing in Vitechapple ." Samuel Cooper, it appears, went out to ruralise one fine sunny day, and having strolled as far as Mortlake, he called upon a friend of his, a li

5 minute read

Read Chapter

JEMMY SULLIVAN.

JEMMY SULLIVAN.

A jocund little Irishman, with dark sparkling eyes and black glossy well-curled poll, dressed in a carter's frock, and heavy travel-stained shoes, was brought in by some of the patrol, who had found him strolling about Long-acre, in the dusk of the evening, apparently without either aim or object, and laden with a large bundle tied up in a very handsome shawl. This bundle contained seven gowns, sundry shawls, handkerchiefs, hose, &amp;c., and a smartly-trimmed straw-bonnet nearly new; and th

4 minute read

Read Chapter

ONE OF THE FANCY.

ONE OF THE FANCY.

A poor harmless translator of old shoes was placed at the bar by a city officer, upon a charge of having stolen, or otherwise improperly obtained, a cheque for 300 l. from one Jonathan Freshfield, Esquire , "one of the Fancy." This Jonathan Freshfield, Esq., was a diminutive, forked-radish sort of a young man, very fashionably attired, or, as he would say, kiddily togg'd ; and, though it was scarcely noon, he was rather queer in the attic ; that is to say, not exactly sober. He stated his case i

3 minute read

Read Chapter

A SUNDAY'S RIDE.

A SUNDAY'S RIDE.

Mr. Lester, a respectable elderly man of considerable property, residing at Battersea-rise, applied to the magistrate for an assault warrant against a person whom he described as a high-flying linen-draper, carrying on business in Parliament-street. The warrant was granted upon his affidavit, and Mr. Highflyer was shortly after brought up in custody; but as the magistrate had been called from the bench for a few minutes, he seized that opportunity of making an atonement for his misconduct to the

3 minute read

Read Chapter

DISAPPOINTED LOVE.

DISAPPOINTED LOVE.

Mr. Owen M'Carthy appeared in custody before the Bench, to answer the complaint of Mrs. Margaret Reading, spinster. Mr. Owen M'Carthy is five feet two without his shoes, and sixty-seven years old; but—as he himself observed—"sound as the big bell of St. Paul's, both in mind and body." The lady has seen sixty-five winters pass away; and in all that time she has so conducted herself that no living creature can say, "black is the white of her eye"—at least that is her opinion; and surely she ought

2 minute read

Read Chapter

TOM CRIB AND THE COPPERSMITHS.

TOM CRIB AND THE COPPERSMITHS.

The Champion of England—not he who, gallantly armed, rode proudly through ranks of assembled chivalry, and challenged the world in defence of his sovereign; but the champion of England's prouder pugilism—the belted hero of the prize ring—the man whose fist is fate—the—in a word, honest Tom Crib, entered the office covered with mud, and holding, in his giant grasp, a little, well-bemudded, wriggling coppersmith, named William Bull.—"And please your worships," said the Champion, "this here little

2 minute read

Read Chapter

SOLOMON AND DESDEMONA.

SOLOMON AND DESDEMONA.

An elderly man, brown as a fresh-roasted coffee-berry, a poll that bespoke him of the race of wandering gipsies, and "the darkness of whose Oriental eye accorded with his gipsy origin," advanced towards the table, bowing at every step, and said, "May it please your vorship's honour, I'm Mister Lovell, your vorship ( another bow ), knife-grinder and chair-bottomer, your vorship." Having so said, he smiled and bowed again; and then, shading the lower part of his brown shining visage with his rusty

3 minute read

Read Chapter

A COACHMAN'S CONSCIENCE.

A COACHMAN'S CONSCIENCE.

A hackney coachman appeared before the Bench, upon a summons to answer the complaint of a gentleman from whom he had extorted seven shillings and sixpence for a four shilling fare! "How could you think of attempting such an impudent extortion!" asked the magistrate. "Why, your worship," replied honest Coachee , "I'll tell you how it was—I knows I'm guilty, but I'll tell you how it was, and I hopes you'll take it into your consideration, and not be too hard upon me. The gemman's sarvent what rode

1 minute read

Read Chapter

DANCING DONAGHU.

DANCING DONAGHU.

Michael—or as he himself called it, " Mykle Donaghu," was brought up on a warrant for assaulting and beating James Davis. Mr. Davis is a tall, gaunt, lank-haired, melancholy, middle-aged Englishman. Mykle , on the contrary, is a short, plump, curly-headed, bushy-whiskered, merry little Irishman. They both lodge in the same house— Mykle uppermost, and thence comes the grievance; for Mykle , when he is beery —and seldom's the time he is not—is given to dancing. Mr. Davis is a man of staid and seri

3 minute read

Read Chapter

A MISS-ADVENTURE.

A MISS-ADVENTURE.

Among the watch-house prisoners from St. Mary-le-Strand, was a young gentleman, who was charged with having beaten a lady. He was a fine, blooming, well-grown, genteelly-clad young gentleman—a very Adonis of the woods; and his name was Smith—William Augustus Smith, as we understood. His case had been thus registered in the charge-book, by his honour the Night Constable of St. Mary-le-Strand:— "Mr. Smith charges Miss Charlotte Long with picking him up and striking him; and Miss Charlotte Long cha

2 minute read

Read Chapter

THE WEDDING RING.

THE WEDDING RING.

Mrs. Catherine Casey was charged with having purloined Mrs. Judith O'Leary's wedding ring. The ladies are both natives of "the Emerald gem of the western world"—the green land of shamrocks and shilelaghs. They came to this country together in the days of their youth; they toiled together year after year in the sunny harvest fields; they got comfortable husbands to them; they grew old together; they ate, they drank, they smoked together; they were gossips—"sworn gossips and friends." "But what is

4 minute read

Read Chapter

FLAGELLATION versus PHYSIC.

FLAGELLATION versus PHYSIC.

W. C., Esq., a gentleman of family and fortune, was brought up in custody of an officer, charged with assaulting Mr. H., a highly respectable surgeon and apothecary, residing in the Strand. Either party was attended by a solicitor, and the following is a "succinct synopsis" of the affair. Mr. H. is an elderly personage, of very gentlemanly deportment, and Mr. C. is a tall, athletic gentleman, in the full bloom of five-and-twenty, or thereabout. Some three or four yeas ago, Mr. H. had the honour

3 minute read

Read Chapter

TOM SAYERS.

TOM SAYERS.

Tom Sayers, a fellow of lofty dimensions was brought up on an assault warrant, charged with having broken the nose of one Mr. Bybie Garmondsway, against the peace, &amp;c. Tom Sayers is a man who, during the late Peninsular war, "sought the bubble reputation, e'en in the cannon's mouth," as a British grenadier. Whether he found it or not, we are unable to say; but certain it is that he now enjoys the reputation of being an admirable culinary bricklayer—a dexterous setter of kitchen ranges; a

4 minute read

Read Chapter

THE DUST WHOPPER AND THE WATERMAN.

THE DUST WHOPPER AND THE WATERMAN.

Mr. Daniel Butcher, "a jolly young waterman," was charged with assaulting Mr. Robert Wingrove, a carpet beater—commonly called "Bob Wingrove, the dust-whopper ." Mr. Bob Wingrove deposed thus:—"Your worship, I beats carpets and does portering, by which means I was looking out of my window yesterday afternoon, when I saw a servant gal [23] go by, which belongs to a house what I beats for, by which means I runs down stairs to speak to her, and Dan Butcher, this here chap in the scarlet jacket, com

2 minute read

Read Chapter

A GROWN GENTLEMAN.

A GROWN GENTLEMAN.

A very precise, well-dressed young man presented himself before the magistrates, saying he had a very great desire to punish a Mr. Bradbury for extortion , abuse , and assault , and he would be particularly obliged to his worship if he would assist him in so doing. His worship desired him to describe the nature of his complaint more minutely; whereupon the gentleman went into a long and rather melancholy story, from which it appeared— Firstly, that Mr. Bradbury lives in the Strand, and is famous

2 minute read

Read Chapter

DRURY-LANE MISSES.

DRURY-LANE MISSES.

Mrs. Margaret Bunce, a lean, dirty, slatternly matron, apparently between fifty and sixty years old, complained that she had been grossly assaulted by Miss Eliza Pritchard and Miss Hannah Maria Bagwell—a pair of little stunted damsels from the back settlements of Drury-lane; who, according to their own account, maintain themselves "very cumfuttably by going a charrin ." "Please your worship," said Mrs. Bunce, "I lives in Short's Gardens, and these ladies lives in Charles-street, and I can get no

2 minute read

Read Chapter

A SMALL TASTE OF JIMAKEY.

A SMALL TASTE OF JIMAKEY.

A new-booted, yellow-vested, blue-coated, red-headed, rosy-faced, buckish young bricklayer, was brought up from the neighbourhood of Cranford-bridge, charged by one Tom Nagle with having robbed him, on the King's highway, of ten shillings in money, and one bottle of "the best Jimakey rum." Tom Nagle is an honest, hard-faced, sandy-whiskered Emeralder, who takes out a drop of the rum or the whiskey, now and then, into the country, to make an honest penny of that same. "It so happened that, one Tu

3 minute read

Read Chapter

A WHITE SERGEANT, OR PETTICOAT GOVERNMENT.

A WHITE SERGEANT, OR PETTICOAT GOVERNMENT.

Among the " disorderlies " brought before the magistrate from St. Clement's watch-house, was a Mr. H., a very respectable law-stationer. Robert Hunt, a watchman, deposed, that between twelve and one o'clock in the middle of the night, he heard a lady's voice crying "Watch! Watch!—Stop him, Watch!" whereupon he turned himself round about, and seeing the prisoner, Mr. H., running with all his might, he as in duty bound, stopped him full butt, and "civilly seizing him by the collar," told him he mu

3 minute read

Read Chapter

THE COOK AND THE TAILOR.

THE COOK AND THE TAILOR.

This was a matter of assault and battery, originating in roast lamb and cauliflower, carried on by means of a misfitting toilinet waistcoat, and ending in battle and bloodshed. PETTICOAT GOVERNMENT. Mr. Ellerbach, the defendant, a tailor (by trade ), small in person and fashionably attired, with his dexter arm gracefully suspended in a black silk sling, was brought up by the nocturnals of St. Martin's watch-house, and placed before the bench. Whereupon Mr. Arundel, the complainant, "a good portl

3 minute read

Read Chapter

THE TWO AUTHORS.

THE TWO AUTHORS.

A man of six feet in height, of seedy exterior, and most melancholious physiognomy—principal contributor of bawdry and balderdash to the "Rambler's Magazine;" sixpence-a-sheet translator of the "Adventures of Chevalier Faublas," et cetera, et cetera, et cetera —was brought up in custody, to show cause why he should not be prosecuted for obtaining money under false pretences from one Mr. Robert Wedderburn—tailor and breeches-maker, field-preacher, radical reformer, romance-writer, circulatory-lib

3 minute read

Read Chapter

A BOLD STROKE FOR A SUPPER.

A BOLD STROKE FOR A SUPPER.

A pair of showy young men, exquisitely attired, with their exquisite attire cased in street mud, and their crops à-la-Titus filled with bits of straw, were brought up from one of the lower apartments (commonly called the Black "hole" ) in Covent-garden watch-house; where they had passed the night in doleful durance, merely because their appetites were in better order than their finances—or, in plain terms, because they had eaten more supper than they could pay for. They gave their names John Bri

4 minute read

Read Chapter

CUPBOARD LOVE.

CUPBOARD LOVE.

Mr. George Pendergast, the principal of a flue-feaking establishment—or, in ordinary phrase, a master chimney-sweeper appeared upon a peace warrant issued at the instance of Mr. Christopher Williamson, a painter—not of pictures, but posts and penthouses. Mr. Christopher Williamson deposed, that on a certain day named, Mr. Pendergast came into his apartments while he and Mrs. Williamson were quietly taking their tea and crumpets, and without any notice whatever, knocked him off of his chair what

1 minute read

Read Chapter

LOVE IN CHANCERY.

LOVE IN CHANCERY.

About the middle of the year 1821, Horatio, a young apothecary, of a certain city in the West, fell desperately in love with Drusilla, a wealthy damsel of that city; and the damsel returned his passion, though her father forbade her so to do. Then her father, in his anger, had her made a ward in Chancery, and the Lord Chancellor issued an injunction prohibiting Horatio and Drusilla from becoming man and wife. Fathers, and Lord Chancellors, have cruel hearts! and these youthful lovers—instigated,

8 minute read

Read Chapter

KITTY KAVANAGH.

KITTY KAVANAGH.

There was a pretty, though homely Irish girl, named Kitty Kavanagh , brought before the magistrate on a charge of having stolen a small piece of coarse calico from a Mrs. Dermody. Kitty Kavanagh is the daughter of a watchman; and she and her father lodge in the same house as Mrs. Dermody. The piece of calico formed "the canopy " of Mrs. Dermody's tester bed. One day lately, Mrs. Dermody missed the canopy—it was taken away even whilst Mr. Dermody was in the bed; and, in a day or two after, she fo

2 minute read

Read Chapter

FRENCH AND ENGLISH MIXTURE.

FRENCH AND ENGLISH MIXTURE.

Mons. Gaspard Jacques Hercule Flament, a French gentleman with one eye—" dégraisseur extraordinaire to the British public;" was brought before the magistrate to show cause why he should not be committed to prison for neglecting to maintain his wife in that style of elegance and comfort to which she was entitled—or rather, for neglecting her maintenance altogether. The lady, Mrs. Flament, was a pretty, little, black-eyed, sprightly Englishwoman; who, "by some odd whim or other," as she said, fell

3 minute read

Read Chapter

UNREQUITED LOVE.

UNREQUITED LOVE.

Mr. Peter Twig—a venerable, rosy-gilled Greenwich pensioner, was charged with having created a great riot and disturbance in and about the attic residence of Mrs. Margaret Muggins; and with having threatened to beat the said Margaret Muggins to a mummy, under pretence of being in love with her. It appeared that Mrs. Muggins—having lost her husband, and being short of money and one leg, was some time an inmate of the parish workhouse; and there she was first seen by Mr. Peter Twig, who no sooner

3 minute read

Read Chapter

A DUN AT SUPPER TIME.

A DUN AT SUPPER TIME.

Mr. John Dunn appeared upon a warrant to answer the complaint of Mrs. Amelia Groutage. Mrs. Amelia Groutage is an elderly lady of some sixteen stone or thereabout, and short in proportion—or, more properly speaking, out of proportion; for it is a doubt whether her breadth is not nearly equal to her height. We are thus particular in her admeasurement, because it materially influenced the decision on her complaint. She deposed, that upon her going to Mr. Dunn's house to demand payment of some mone

2 minute read

Read Chapter

THE CANTAB AND THE TURKS.

THE CANTAB AND THE TURKS.

A pair of venerably-bearded Turks, in the full costume of the East, appeared before the magistrate, attended by one of the porters belonging to the Home Secretary of State's Office, who informed his worship, that one of the under secretaries had desired they should be conducted before him; they having some complaint to make against a member of the University of Cambridge. Neither of the Asiatics could speak a syllable of English, but they were accompanied by a man who offered himself as their in

3 minute read

Read Chapter

JOHN BROWN.

JOHN BROWN.

One of the churchwardens of St. Anne's, Soho, appeared in custody before the magistrate, to answer the complaint of John Brown. John Brown—or, more courteously speaking, Mr. John Brown—is landlord of a respectable inn, in Essex, and a jolly landlord he is—plump, unctuous, and rosy; and being at that time blessed with a fine pair of bloodshot eyes, his countenance looked as glowingly rubicund as a full-blown Patagonian peony. John Brown, it appeared, had a correspondent in London, named B—, who s

4 minute read

Read Chapter

JOHN SAUNDERS ON HORSEBACK: A NARRATIVE;

JOHN SAUNDERS ON HORSEBACK: A NARRATIVE;

Showing how, like John Gilpin, he went further than he intended, and got safe home again. Mr. John Saunders , a remarkably soft-spoken, mild young man, of demure carriage, slender proportions, and rather respectable appearance, was placed at the bar, under a (not very violent) suspicion of having stolen a horse; but it turned out that the suspicion was groundless, and that instead of John Saunders stealing the horse, the horse stole John Saunders! It appeared that as Mr. Stephen Marchant, of Tur

5 minute read

Read Chapter

'PON MY HONOUR IT'S TRUE.

'PON MY HONOUR IT'S TRUE.

A German mechanic having laid information at this office that a countryman of his, named Schultz, residing in Green Street, Leicester Square, was kept in a state of durance, in his own house, by an Englishwoman, who, he verily believed, had a design both upon his life and property, the magistrate sent some officers to bring the parties before him. They accordingly proceeded to the house, but the English lady peremptorily refused them admission, and it was several hours before they were able to e

3 minute read

Read Chapter

BEER—NOT BODIES.

BEER—NOT BODIES.

A poor hunchback'd little printer, whose dreary destinies have driven him to seek an asylum in St. Clement's workhouse, was brought before the magistrate, charged on suspicion of being a resurrection man . His accusers, a couple of large-sized watchmen, told the following story; or rather, a story to the following effect:—In the dead of the night, "when churchyards yawn, and graves give up their dead," a man came to these watchmen and told them, he verily believed there were three resurrection m

3 minute read

Read Chapter

MOLLY LOWE.

MOLLY LOWE.

The following very touching instance of the irresistible force of love was brought under the notice of the magistrate some time in the winter of the years 1823 and 1824. There lives in the Strand—or there did live at the time above-mentioned—a very respectable young tradesman, whose name has nothing at all to do with this affair;—let it suffice, that he occupied a large and lofty house; and being a bachelor, he employed a housekeeper, whose name was Molly Lowe; and this Molly Lowe is the heroine

5 minute read

Read Chapter

A WEARY BENEDICT.

A WEARY BENEDICT.

Of all the miseries, or vices, which are daily brought to this office for relief or correction, there are none that give the magistrates more trouble than the miseries of matrimony—and the trouble is the more painful, inasmuch as, in nine cases out of ten, it never leads to any satisfactory result. Scarcely a day passes without some connubial devilry , or other, being submitted to their judgment either by man or woman—members of the married public of this metropolis; and in almost every case the

3 minute read

Read Chapter

THE GOLDSMITH AND THE TAILOR.

THE GOLDSMITH AND THE TAILOR.

An elderly goldsmith of rather choleric temperament, though well to do in the world, was brought before the magistrate on a warrant, wherein he was charged with having perpetrated an assault and battery on the person of one Mr. John Carpue, a student in tailory, or "a tailor's apprentice," as the ancients used to say. And this was the manner of it:— The goldsmith was indebted to a celebrated professor of tailory in the vicinity of Bond-street, for sundry exquisitely-cut garments, furnished to hi

2 minute read

Read Chapter

THE RAPE OF THE WIG.

THE RAPE OF THE WIG.

One Bob Jenkinson, the son of an honest law-writer— "A youth condemn'd his father's soul to cross, Who picks a pocket when he should engross !" —was charged with having taken unto himself property to which he had no right or title whatever—to wit, a barrister's wig . It appeared by the evidence, that Bob Jenkinson—hopeful Bob, his friends call him; was prowling about Temple Bar in the dead of the night, seeking something for his "pickers and stealers" to do. Presently he was aware of a solitary

1 minute read

Read Chapter

A BRUMMYJUM OUTRIDER.

A BRUMMYJUM OUTRIDER.

One Mr. Peter Muttlebury, a personage with the exterior of a hackney coachman, of the down -est cut, but who called himself "a Brummyjum out-rider," was brought before the magistrate one snowy morning, charged with having borrowed , with intent to steal , an eight guinea inlaid gold and silver snuff-box, with its contents, viz., almost half an ounce of high-dried Irish, from a Mr. William Wilkins—a very small gentleman in a very large cloak, worn military-wise—after the present highly picturesqu

2 minute read

Read Chapter

PAT CRAWLEY'S MULE.

PAT CRAWLEY'S MULE.

Mr. Phelim O'Callaghan appeared before the magistrate to show cause why he should not be charged with having stolen Mr. Pat Crawley's mule. Mr. Pat Crawley, according to his own account, was "a Scotchman, born of Irish parents in the Saut-market o'Glasgow." They, dying, left him a pedlar's pack and a brown donkey; and, ever since, he has followed the profession of Autolycus —a frequenter of fairs, wakes, and wassellings, and a snapper-up of unconsidered trifles. Latterly he has travelled in this

3 minute read

Read Chapter

THE TEMPLAR AND THE COOK.

THE TEMPLAR AND THE COOK.

This was a matter of assault, battery, riot, and false imprisonment, between Theodosius Todd, Esq. and Mr. John Cutmore. Mr. Theodosius Todd is a gentleman, it is said, of considerable property; rather diminutive in stature, and very fond of cold boiled ham. Mr. John Cutmore is a vender of cold boiled ham, and many other good things, at a large house near Temple Bar—a house well known to many a kitchenless bachelor. Mr. Theodosius Todd having complained to the magistrate that he had been violent

5 minute read

Read Chapter

A HAGGLING CUSTOMER.

A HAGGLING CUSTOMER.

A linen-draper was brought before the magistrate charged with having assaulted an Israelitish damsel—one Miss Rebecca Myers. The fair Rebecca (fair for one of her nation, though evidently not much addicted to the use of soap) stated with many tears, and a faltering voice, that she went into the defendant's shop to purchase some trifling articles; and because she objected to the price of some of them, he knocked her down with a roll of calico! When she said "knocked her down," she meant he gave h

1 minute read

Read Chapter

STEALING EX-OFFICIO.

STEALING EX-OFFICIO.

A sturdy, squalid little fellow, calling himself Timothy Blunt, was brought before the magistrate under the following circumstances:— The landlord of a public-house in the neighbourhood of Temple Bar, deposed that the prisoner, Timothy Blunt, came into his house that morning, as he was busy serving his customers, and staring in his face for about a minute, addressed him with a—"I say, Mister!—I werrily believes as that ere's a counterband bandanny as you've got round your neck—and as I'm a necks

1 minute read

Read Chapter

A DISTRESSED FATHER.

A DISTRESSED FATHER.

Henry Newberry, a lad, only thirteen years old, and Edward Chidley , aged seventeen, were full committed for trial, charged with stealing a silver tea-pot from the house of a gentleman, in Grosvenor Place. There was nothing extraordinary in the circumstances of the robbery.—Young Newberry was observed to go down into the area of the house, whilst his companion kept watch, and they were caught endeavouring to conceal the tea-pot under some rubbish in the Five-fields, Chelsea; but the case was mad

4 minute read

Read Chapter

SORROWS OF THE SULLIVANS.

SORROWS OF THE SULLIVANS.

Mr. Daniel Sullivan, of Tottenham-court-road, green-grocer, fruiterer, coal and potato-merchant, salt fish and Irish pork-monger, was brought before the magistrate on a peace-warrant issued at the suit of his wife, Mrs. Mary Sullivan. Mrs. Sullivan is an Englishwoman, who, according to her own account, married Mr. Sullivan for love, and has been "blessed with many children by him." But nevertheless, she appeared before the magistrate with her face all scratched and bruised, from the eyes downwar

5 minute read

Read Chapter

"WHERE SHALL I SLEEP?"

"WHERE SHALL I SLEEP?"

Henry Walters, a tailor, was brought up from St. Martin's watch-house, to answer the complaint of Mr. Thomas Thompson, who is a tailor too—that is to say, they are two tailors; Mr. Thompson, the master, and Mr. Walters, the man—or, to speak more proverbially, the servant . Mr. Walters lodges on Mr. Thomas Thompson's premises, near Leicester-square, and at two o'clock in the morning, Mr. Thomas Thompson, being then fast asleep in bed with his wife, was awoke by some person on his side of the bed,

3 minute read

Read Chapter

BEEF VALOUR.

BEEF VALOUR.

James Green, alias Jemmy Green , a short, squat, spherical-phizzed, poodle-pated, seedy subject—between a buck and a bumpkin, said to be the identical hero of the Moncriefian, Adelphian, Tom and Jerry-extinguishing, nondescript gallimaufry, yclep'd " Jemmy Green in France;" and Launcelot Snodgrass, were brought up from the almost bottomless pit of St. Clement's watch-house, charged with sundry midnight disorders in an alamode beef-house; and also with an outrageous assault upon Edmund Speering,

4 minute read

Read Chapter

JEMMY LENNAM AND THE JEW.

JEMMY LENNAM AND THE JEW.

Mr. Nathan Nathan, a slender, shapely, shewily-clad Israelite—"a tall fellow of his hands," but having only "a younger brother's having in that ancient Jewish indispensable—a beard;" thereby seeming to signify that he was, as yet, scarcely arrived at years of discretion, was brought up among a squad [30] of disorderly Christians from Covent-garden watch-house, and charged with having created a disturbance in Drury-lane theatre on the preceding night; and also with having assaulted Jemmy Lennam—t

2 minute read

Read Chapter

WOLF versus WELLDONE.

WOLF versus WELLDONE.

Mrs. Winifred Welldone, widow, of Monmouth-street, Seven Dials, was charged with having assaulted Mrs. Mary Wolf of the same place, spinster. Mrs. Wolf, as her name would seem to signify, is bony and gaunt, and grim—a lady of most voracious aspect, and much more like an assault er than an assault ee . But the proverb saith—"judge not by outward appearances—they too often prove deceitful;" and they did so in this case; for Mrs. Welldone was so overdone with fat—so round, so soft, so puffy, and so

4 minute read

Read Chapter

MR. O'FLINN, AND HIS FRIEND'S MISTRESS.

MR. O'FLINN, AND HIS FRIEND'S MISTRESS.

Miss Susanna Smith, a very pretty young woman, attired in the newest fashion, was brought before the magistrate, on an assault warrant issued at the suit of one Mr. O'Flinn, a tall, well-dressed, sprightly native of the Emerald Isle, who had complained to his worship that he had been grievously assaulted by the said Susanna. Mr. William O'Flinn, it seems, had a friend, who is the especial protector of the fair defendant. He went the other night, to deliver a letter to this friend, at the house i

4 minute read

Read Chapter

JONAS TUNKS.

JONAS TUNKS.

Mr. Jonas Tunks, a young gentleman in a jacket of divers colours, well-patched canvas trowsers, no stockings, and shoes curiously contrived to let in the fresh air at the toes, was brought before the sitting magistrate, charged, under the Stat. 1 Geo. IV., with wilfully and maliciously damaging the property of Mrs. Deborah Clutterbuck—the comely landlady of a public-house in the purlieus of St. Giles's proper. It appeared by the evidence of Mr. Jonathan Dobbs, an operative veterinarian ( vulgo ,

2 minute read

Read Chapter

MISS HANNAH MARIA JULIANA SHUM AND HER BEAU.

MISS HANNAH MARIA JULIANA SHUM AND HER BEAU.

There was a damsel—one Miss Hannah Maria Juliana Shum, charged by the books of Covent Garden watch-house, with having robbed a young gentleman of a golden sovereign. The young gentleman made such a pathetic appeal against the publication of his name—being, as he said, "a young man just verging into the affairs of the world," that we shall content ourselves (and our readers also, we hope) with saying, he was simply a young gentleman of little person—and that little made the most of, secundum arte

4 minute read

Read Chapter

ROEBUCK versus CLANCEY.

ROEBUCK versus CLANCEY.

Mr. Timothy Clancey, landlord of the Robin Hood public-house in Holborn, appeared before Thomas Halls, Esq., to answer the complaint of Mrs. Penelope Roebuck; a fine, bouncing, well-dressed dame, fat, fair, and forty. She had her left eye in deep mourning; and he had as many black patches on his face as the renowned Munchausen. "May it please your worship," said Mrs. Penelope Roebuck, wiping her comely cheeks and bruised eye with a lavender-scented cambric handkerchief—"May it please your worshi

2 minute read

Read Chapter

PIG WIT.

PIG WIT.

This was a proceeding in limine , by which the plaintiff sought reparation for violence done to his religious scruples and bodily health, by the act of the defendant; inasmuch as he, the plaintiff, being a Jew , the defendant, on Wednesday, the twelfth of that present December, at eleven o'clock in the forenoon, in the parish of St. Paul, Covent Garden, did, with malice afore-thought, knock him down with a pig's head , contrary to the statute, and against the peace of our Sovereign Lord the King

3 minute read

Read Chapter

AN IRISH TAILOR.

AN IRISH TAILOR.

Edward Leonard was charged with having assaulted Mary, the wife of Thomas Reid. This was a watch-house charge, and appeared to have originated thus:—Mr. Leonard lodges in the house of Mr. Reid, and like most of his countrymen of the like class, he is given to imbibing more beer than his brains will bear. This seems to have been the case with him on Saturday night, for he came home at a most unseasonable hour, and because Mr. Reid would not get up and light a candle for him, he most unconscionabl

3 minute read

Read Chapter

BOX-LOBBY LOUNGERS.

BOX-LOBBY LOUNGERS.

Among the watch-house rubbish brought before the magistrate one morning, were three of that description of bipeds commonly called " Lobby Loungers ," or "Box-Lobby-loungers," or "Half-and-half swells;" that is to say, half sharp and half flat—half a bottle and half price, half bully and half boor—in plain terms, idle young men, with empty heads and full stomachs; who, in all the magnificence of a full pint of cape, strut into a theatre at half price, and manifest their gentility by swaggering fr

3 minute read

Read Chapter

IRISH GALLANTRY.

IRISH GALLANTRY.

Mrs. O'Reilly, wife of Laurence O'Reilly, "coal and potaty merchant, handy by Clear market," charged Mr. Ralph Hogan, a comely young man, of five-and-twenty, with attempting to make her a false woman to her own lawful married husband! "And please your magistrate," said Mrs. O'Reilly, "Misther Hogan is a lodger of ours, and a civilish sort of a jantleman in gineral, and turncock to the New River Company"— "Faith that I am, Misthress O'Reilly," responded Mr. Hogan, "any time these three years—come

6 minute read

Read Chapter